Not too terribly long ago, I wrote about Susan making up fake ailments and forgetting who she assigned each illness or diagnosis too... Even saying her and my grandmother were both going blind in the exact same eye I had been told I'm going blind in (all a few months apart, and all conveniently forgotten in due time). You can find that here.
Well, a few days ago (4? 5?) after 4 days of excruciating pain in my shoulder, I was told I have a torn rotator cuff and would need to 1) be put in a sling 2) go see a orthopedist 3) discuss surgery.
Well, I have a LOT of little kids and am in the process of moving AGAIN, so slinging it wasn't an option and I wasn't going to see an ortho in THIS state, then turn around and have to find a new one in the new state.
Now, I am somewhat locked down on the book of faces. I know my friends on there, and have Susan blocked (She does have a plentiful supply of fake profiles to keep check on my "public" things). Well, a friend had tagged me in a local BST group's post about a black Friday sale, and I'd commented back (it's a large group from back home) that 1) I wouldn't be in the state on Black Friday, and 2) I had a torn rotator cuff and was in a sling.
Imagine my surprise when today my cousin messaged me, bewildered, because apparently Susan had "had surgery on her shoulder", but hadn't told anybody till after the fact (she loves attention, so odd). She just called folks and said she was "home from her surgery!" And nobody even knew she was HAVING surgery. On her SHOULDER?
I guess my ailments are "catching" even from 800 miles away.
Sunday, November 24, 2019
Saturday, November 16, 2019
My heart is broken.
364 days ago, I gave birth to my son Joseph at 17 weeks pregnant. He lived for almost 2 hours, and then passed.
I'm no stranger to miscarriage or loss. I've had many. But, he was my latest term loss. I'd made it past the "danger" zone. I'd started buying things for him. The day before he was born, I had ordered him a matching Christmas stocking because I knew I'd want everyone to match for Christmas 2019.
His birth was traumatic and very much still plays in my head. I'd gone to the ER because I was 99% sure my water had broke. They'd agreed, my water had broke. They agreed, I was having contractions. Every two minutes. They also said he had a strong heartbeat and sometimes the water seals itself back off. So go home, he would call me in some pain meds.
I'd went to Hobby Lobby to grab a pack of ornaments while waiting for my meds because I'd promise the kids to put the tree up the following day. I had to keep stopping, I was cramping like the worst period I'd had (I have endometriosis so this wasn't a stretch) and it made me lose my breath. I'd asked my husband to pull over at a gas station because I had to use the bathroom. Then, 47 minutes after being discharged from the hospital, I gave birth to my son in my bathroom. The rest was a blur of ambulances and firetrucks and firemen and being carted back to the hospital where they took my son's hand and foot prints for a keepsake for me, then of course, calling the funeral home and the sort.
I've spent the past 364 days wondering. Hoping. Wishing. There was a giant hole in my heart and it hurt. Everyone said it'd get better. It'd hurt less.
After 364 days, I'm here to tell you it hurts just as bad as it did then. I've moved across the country. I have 3 kids under 6. I threw myself into meal planning, and my kids, and planning outfits for them and fun activities, and just generally anything and everything I could to escape from my own mind. And you know what? It. Still. Hurts. I guess it always will.
364 days later, I have a hole in my heart and it hurts. It hasn't gotten less painful. It hasn't gotten easier to stomach. It's there and my heart is broken.....
I'm no stranger to miscarriage or loss. I've had many. But, he was my latest term loss. I'd made it past the "danger" zone. I'd started buying things for him. The day before he was born, I had ordered him a matching Christmas stocking because I knew I'd want everyone to match for Christmas 2019.
His birth was traumatic and very much still plays in my head. I'd gone to the ER because I was 99% sure my water had broke. They'd agreed, my water had broke. They agreed, I was having contractions. Every two minutes. They also said he had a strong heartbeat and sometimes the water seals itself back off. So go home, he would call me in some pain meds.
I'd went to Hobby Lobby to grab a pack of ornaments while waiting for my meds because I'd promise the kids to put the tree up the following day. I had to keep stopping, I was cramping like the worst period I'd had (I have endometriosis so this wasn't a stretch) and it made me lose my breath. I'd asked my husband to pull over at a gas station because I had to use the bathroom. Then, 47 minutes after being discharged from the hospital, I gave birth to my son in my bathroom. The rest was a blur of ambulances and firetrucks and firemen and being carted back to the hospital where they took my son's hand and foot prints for a keepsake for me, then of course, calling the funeral home and the sort.
I've spent the past 364 days wondering. Hoping. Wishing. There was a giant hole in my heart and it hurt. Everyone said it'd get better. It'd hurt less.
After 364 days, I'm here to tell you it hurts just as bad as it did then. I've moved across the country. I have 3 kids under 6. I threw myself into meal planning, and my kids, and planning outfits for them and fun activities, and just generally anything and everything I could to escape from my own mind. And you know what? It. Still. Hurts. I guess it always will.
364 days later, I have a hole in my heart and it hurts. It hasn't gotten less painful. It hasn't gotten easier to stomach. It's there and my heart is broken.....
Monday, November 11, 2019
The Snow Means Susan Will Leave Me Alone.
As I type this, it's pouring snow. We've gotten a solid 6 inches and it's still coming. Everything is white, and I love it.
It's a common enough occurrence here, but home? Home is one of those places that if it gets under 32 degrees people are running around and buying out the milk and bread for "milk sandwiches" as those of us who worked in the Emergency Dept joked for years. Wrecks everywhere at the sign of ice. Power out. You get the drift.
So, when I first cut Susan off, the rare sign of ice and snow would mean for THAT day and maybe a few others, I wouldn't have to worry over a welfare check. I wouldn't have to worry about her bringing friends or preachers or who have you to bang on my door. I wouldn't have to worry about CPS, because for one day, the safety of others was probably more important than Susan's lies.
So the sign of snow falling and a blanket of white everywhere is soothing to me. This is my second winter in "northern" states (the first was 1900ish miles from home) but it just wrapped me up in a blanket of comfort when I caught sight of it. And when I went out to grab the kids happy meals (the horror, I'm probably going to gain weight and go to hell for those happy meals, if we left it to Susan), I was calm, not looking over my shoulder, not on edge... Just CALM.
It's strange that such a small thing, a normal weather occurrence has such a positive meaning for me. Therapy (who is who suggested I write these things out) doesn't do that for me. Anxiety pills don't do that for me. I will probably always been on edge until the day Susan croaks, but for now I have a night of calm, with my house blanketed in snow.
Just a thought tonight. I have a lot on my mind, but this is what came to mind first when I decided to sit down at my computer tonight.
It's a common enough occurrence here, but home? Home is one of those places that if it gets under 32 degrees people are running around and buying out the milk and bread for "milk sandwiches" as those of us who worked in the Emergency Dept joked for years. Wrecks everywhere at the sign of ice. Power out. You get the drift.
So, when I first cut Susan off, the rare sign of ice and snow would mean for THAT day and maybe a few others, I wouldn't have to worry over a welfare check. I wouldn't have to worry about her bringing friends or preachers or who have you to bang on my door. I wouldn't have to worry about CPS, because for one day, the safety of others was probably more important than Susan's lies.
So the sign of snow falling and a blanket of white everywhere is soothing to me. This is my second winter in "northern" states (the first was 1900ish miles from home) but it just wrapped me up in a blanket of comfort when I caught sight of it. And when I went out to grab the kids happy meals (the horror, I'm probably going to gain weight and go to hell for those happy meals, if we left it to Susan), I was calm, not looking over my shoulder, not on edge... Just CALM.
It's strange that such a small thing, a normal weather occurrence has such a positive meaning for me. Therapy (who is who suggested I write these things out) doesn't do that for me. Anxiety pills don't do that for me. I will probably always been on edge until the day Susan croaks, but for now I have a night of calm, with my house blanketed in snow.
Just a thought tonight. I have a lot on my mind, but this is what came to mind first when I decided to sit down at my computer tonight.
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Susan Decides The Only Way To Defeat the Wicked is to Bring in a Holy Man
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in recieving a restraining order or subsequent charges (such as harassment and stalking) because of her husband's role within law enforcement. We move often so have not stayed in any state long enough to gain residency (as we are always told to file for an RO or OOP within our state of residency.)
So, Susan is religious when it can me spun in her favor, and her mother, my JNGM, is super super religious. JNGM spends her days looking up scriptures on how you should honor your mommy and writing letters to me and my brother about how we're going to go to hell if we don't let mommy control our lives again. She even told my brother it was "too late for me, as I'm going to burn for all eternity, but she could still save my kids!"
I'm not religious, at all. Sometimes I wonder if I'd like to be, but after years of religion being used to demonize me, I am hesitant to turn to any religion because I find it really hard to grasp that any diety would support such immoral and evil people as my maternal family. Of course when I backed away from religion, pre-cut off, Susan and JNGM didn't give a flying rat's ass, but AFTER the cut off? Oh goodness, I might has well have said I was out killing goats to sacrifice at an alter to Satan and forcing my child to help me. "Not religious" = Satanic, in case you're wondering. This was news to me.
Susan would send me messages weekly asking me to "set" my child out the front door in church attire as she wanted to take my daughter (1.5 at the time) to church to save her soul. I ignored her. She's messaged book of faces friends of mine to tell them that "she raised me in church" and isn't sure why I was no longer religious, but "she hates that I turned so evil". I went to church with my grandma because i'd spend most saturday nights that weren't my dad's time over there by myself because my poor brother needed "alone time" with Susan (he's the GC.) Oh, and that year that she made us go every Wednesday and Sunday because she was "over" stepdad refusing to get a divorce and she wanted to go to their "great singles group". That's the extent of my " being raised in church."
Susan tried to use one of my (many, many, many years prior) children's directors to "help her save me.". He noped out of that. Then, she began using my grandma's preacher. These fools drove around my LOCKED GATE in my driveway down a huge hill that had a severe incline (the space was TINY. I don't see how she squeezed a car in, but she did) to come and bang on my front and back doors so the preacher could try and talk to me about Jesus wanting me to hand my life and kids back over to mommy.
So, I wasn't too surprised when I finally got an email from this preacher, who I suppose was pretty annoyed that he was not being allowed in my house or spoken to.
"OP,
I just wanted to reach out to you and see how you were doing. It's been quite a while since we've seen you in church (yeah no kidding. Probably 12+ years, dude, read the room), and I know your grandmother and Mom are extremely worried about you. Your mom asked me a few times to go to your house-once with her, 2 times without-but each time we seem to miss you. Can you let me know of a good time that we can get together? I'd love to chat with you, and your mom is interested in having some mediation when it comes to ya'lls relationship.
Your mom and grandmother are concerned for yours and the kids' well being. I've never had the opportunity to meet your kids, but do you not think they deserve more than what they have now? A relationship with Christ is essential in raising small children to learn and love the Lord. Your family has expressed worry that you've lost your faith. Your mother's also extremely worried about your well being and the kids' well being in general; she has expressed many concerns about cleanliness and a lack of proper nutrition? If you'd be so inclined to join us, we are having a cooking class at the fellowship hall in March. Just give my office a call to set things up.
Please, think of reaching out to your family, or of course, myself.
I will leave you with some Bible verses to mull things over. I wish you a wonderful Sunday.
(15 fucking Bible verses but this one stood out: Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in the length of days. Job, 12:12)-Preacher"
Because I was tired and annoyed and probably pregnant at the time (i don't really remember but I'm pregnant a lot and my fuse is much shorter when I'm with child lol), I didn't type a word, just sent the guy screenshots of what my mom had commented on an anonymous blog of mine. (here). He replied back within an hour.
"OP,
I have read the screenshots you sent me. While some of it doesn't make sense, and I know your mother has some health issues, I do think she comes from a place of love with all of those messages.
I know she's personally expressed that her and Grandmother are concerned over the fact that you don't cook and the grandkids are living off fast food and other unhealthy choices when your husband isn't there to provide nourishment. They've also expressed concern over the fact you don't seem to do much housekeeping and have told me many times they've offered to help, or to take the kids so you may clean. They're at the point of wanting to reach out further to social services in chances their concerns will be taken seriously, which is why I decided to reach out to you myself. We all know the last time they chose that method it only further angered you.
Please, consider reaching out to them, or even the church for assistance in getting things back how they're supposed to be.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday."
So, yeah, there it is. Nothing screams "Southern Baptist Sunday Adventures" like your batshit mom having her preacher send a letter lecturing you on eating fast food and "cleaning your house" (he'd never been in my house or seen inside).
A few days later Susan blew me up on every platform she could find, whining that I was so rude and made her look bad for ignoring her poor preacher. Not sure what she expected, me to rush to her house to hand her my kids and borrow a Bible? I'm not sure what she was expecting Him to do, exorcise me? Bathe me in holy water? Who KNOWS.
So, Susan is religious when it can me spun in her favor, and her mother, my JNGM, is super super religious. JNGM spends her days looking up scriptures on how you should honor your mommy and writing letters to me and my brother about how we're going to go to hell if we don't let mommy control our lives again. She even told my brother it was "too late for me, as I'm going to burn for all eternity, but she could still save my kids!"
I'm not religious, at all. Sometimes I wonder if I'd like to be, but after years of religion being used to demonize me, I am hesitant to turn to any religion because I find it really hard to grasp that any diety would support such immoral and evil people as my maternal family. Of course when I backed away from religion, pre-cut off, Susan and JNGM didn't give a flying rat's ass, but AFTER the cut off? Oh goodness, I might has well have said I was out killing goats to sacrifice at an alter to Satan and forcing my child to help me. "Not religious" = Satanic, in case you're wondering. This was news to me.
Susan would send me messages weekly asking me to "set" my child out the front door in church attire as she wanted to take my daughter (1.5 at the time) to church to save her soul. I ignored her. She's messaged book of faces friends of mine to tell them that "she raised me in church" and isn't sure why I was no longer religious, but "she hates that I turned so evil". I went to church with my grandma because i'd spend most saturday nights that weren't my dad's time over there by myself because my poor brother needed "alone time" with Susan (he's the GC.) Oh, and that year that she made us go every Wednesday and Sunday because she was "over" stepdad refusing to get a divorce and she wanted to go to their "great singles group". That's the extent of my " being raised in church."
Susan tried to use one of my (many, many, many years prior) children's directors to "help her save me.". He noped out of that. Then, she began using my grandma's preacher. These fools drove around my LOCKED GATE in my driveway down a huge hill that had a severe incline (the space was TINY. I don't see how she squeezed a car in, but she did) to come and bang on my front and back doors so the preacher could try and talk to me about Jesus wanting me to hand my life and kids back over to mommy.
So, I wasn't too surprised when I finally got an email from this preacher, who I suppose was pretty annoyed that he was not being allowed in my house or spoken to.
"OP,
I just wanted to reach out to you and see how you were doing. It's been quite a while since we've seen you in church (yeah no kidding. Probably 12+ years, dude, read the room), and I know your grandmother and Mom are extremely worried about you. Your mom asked me a few times to go to your house-once with her, 2 times without-but each time we seem to miss you. Can you let me know of a good time that we can get together? I'd love to chat with you, and your mom is interested in having some mediation when it comes to ya'lls relationship.
Your mom and grandmother are concerned for yours and the kids' well being. I've never had the opportunity to meet your kids, but do you not think they deserve more than what they have now? A relationship with Christ is essential in raising small children to learn and love the Lord. Your family has expressed worry that you've lost your faith. Your mother's also extremely worried about your well being and the kids' well being in general; she has expressed many concerns about cleanliness and a lack of proper nutrition? If you'd be so inclined to join us, we are having a cooking class at the fellowship hall in March. Just give my office a call to set things up.
Please, think of reaching out to your family, or of course, myself.
I will leave you with some Bible verses to mull things over. I wish you a wonderful Sunday.
(15 fucking Bible verses but this one stood out: Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in the length of days. Job, 12:12)-Preacher"
Because I was tired and annoyed and probably pregnant at the time (i don't really remember but I'm pregnant a lot and my fuse is much shorter when I'm with child lol), I didn't type a word, just sent the guy screenshots of what my mom had commented on an anonymous blog of mine. (here). He replied back within an hour.
"OP,
I have read the screenshots you sent me. While some of it doesn't make sense, and I know your mother has some health issues, I do think she comes from a place of love with all of those messages.
I know she's personally expressed that her and Grandmother are concerned over the fact that you don't cook and the grandkids are living off fast food and other unhealthy choices when your husband isn't there to provide nourishment. They've also expressed concern over the fact you don't seem to do much housekeeping and have told me many times they've offered to help, or to take the kids so you may clean. They're at the point of wanting to reach out further to social services in chances their concerns will be taken seriously, which is why I decided to reach out to you myself. We all know the last time they chose that method it only further angered you.
Please, consider reaching out to them, or even the church for assistance in getting things back how they're supposed to be.
Enjoy the rest of your Sunday."
So, yeah, there it is. Nothing screams "Southern Baptist Sunday Adventures" like your batshit mom having her preacher send a letter lecturing you on eating fast food and "cleaning your house" (he'd never been in my house or seen inside).
A few days later Susan blew me up on every platform she could find, whining that I was so rude and made her look bad for ignoring her poor preacher. Not sure what she expected, me to rush to her house to hand her my kids and borrow a Bible? I'm not sure what she was expecting Him to do, exorcise me? Bathe me in holy water? Who KNOWS.
Susan and Christmas (Susan Thinks My Kids are "sad" for wanting Christmas gifts)
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order or subsequent charges (such as harassment and stalking) because of my stepdad's role within law enforcement.
Susan and Christmas is a sore subject. When she was married to my dad, my aunt and dad spent $$$$ to make sure we had an awesome Christmas and got most, if not everything on our lists. And as we grew, my dad and aunt kept up that position. We made a list, we got the list and a few surprises.
This irked Susan to all end. She insisted they were trying to one up her, and make her look bad. She couldn't buy us anything, because THEY bought it all. One time, to shut her up, my dad gave her $500 a kid for christmas at her house. Let's just say the situation didn't improve.
Susan buying gifts is the weirdest thing. She buys things you've never heard of and certainly never voiced you might want. Like for Christmas when I was 16ish and had my own truck: eyelashes for my truck. What? Had i ever voiced that truck eyelashes were my thing? But it was always things like that. Random stuff that made you go huh?
As we grew into adults, Susan didn't get any better. The Christmas I was pregnant with my first, Susan made a long status and TAGGED ME IN IT that her and my stepdad weren't buying Christmas presents except for the kids who were still in school or college, and then the ones who had grandkids and of course the grandkids gifts. Out of SEVEN of us, guess who was the only one who didn't have kids, or wasn't in school any longer? yeah....
Now, to backtrack a little, Susan, who I moved out of her house at 14 and in with my dad because she's a narcissist, spent my entire childhood/teenage years complaining that my dad and aunt spoiled us, we got everything we wanted and that's not right, we shouldn't get new clothes, etc, we didn't need this, we didn't need that, we need to tell them no, etc. I'd stepped way back and only include her in my life once or twice every two or three months, but her sister recently died before this next scenario so we'd seen more of her that month with Halloween too, than we usually do. I had to restrict her on facebook, because she's now starting this with me again... Concerning my husband now-'you need to tell DH that you don't want that, you don't need that, you don't need anything new, you need to stop spending, if you have that much extra money send it this way, etc" and the same with DD- She's going to be a brat, you're spoiling her, you need to stop buying her clothes, she doesn't need anymore, she has too many toys". She's also mad that my aunt, who was way more of a mom than her from 14-till now, is with DD everyday, and gets her things, etc. SO what? Susan was the only one that was making a big deal out of any of it.
So, the first Christmas I was a mother, Susan posted the following on her book of faces. Which made me see red. I didn't comment, on it though.
"Christmas is coming {already}. What do you get kids under 7 that already have everything they want? That means girls and boys, they get everything they want all thru the year making it hard to get something the special on a special day. But kids are so spoiled along with some of the younger parents they want a gift in that hand. Sad"
Enter her hoard of flying monkeys telling her not the buy the spoiled brats a thing! Read them the CHRISTMAS STORY, blah blah blah. I started pulling away, hard. She wasn't going to put DD in the same bubble she'd put me, telling me I'm a spoiled brat that didn't deserve anything. She gave DD a $5 doggie shaped flash light with the tag still on it, DH a $1 pair of Dollar Tree work gloves (tag still on) and me a too small infinity scarf with a $3 tag and a windchime of elephants with a $5 tag on it (I hate windchimes and Susan is well aware of this, because she collects them and it triggers me from when I lived with her. Also, my entire house was done in owls. So, to be handed an elephant windchime is just letting me know she gives 0 shits about me, i should be more like her.) And you know what? I LOVE the dollar tree. I'm fine with ANYTHING, but the gifts she gave just showed that either she 1) didn't know anything about us or 2) didn't give a flying fuck. Probably both. (and as we opened these my brother, who was grown and in college in his 20's, opened a drone, a chrome cast thing, about $250 worth of art supplies, and a leather jacket.)
The next Christmas was the beginning of the cut off. I'd put her in a time out and asked for her to respect said time out both when I'd done it and when I told her 'heads up, I'm pregnant, but I still think we need a break.'... Instead of respecting that, my mom and grandmother pulled in behind me as I pulled into my aunts driveway and blocked me in on Christmas day and demanded I hand over my daughter then both cried big tears "she doesn't even know usssss!" which were promptly dried up when they began to discuss that baby #2 was a boy, I was my mom made over and of course baby #2 was a boy since it was due 2.5 years after DD1, and that's how it was with my brother after me. (DD2 is a girl).
I haven't physically seen my mother within 10 feet of me since that day. Every year around christmas she takes to the emails, and letters, and social media posts about how it's PATHETIC her daughter will spoil her kids and even have christmas cards done but won't even speak to her own mother. And usually it'll come up that I'm probably raising brats to be just like me.
I was actually sent a screenshot tonight of a rant from her about how it's not fair she can't have her grandkids for Christmas Eve and morning, so that's sort of what made me laugh and write this post. Sorta petty, but whatever. Susan sucks at Christmas so it bothers her that I enjoy the holiday, is the only thing I can figure.
Susan and Christmas is a sore subject. When she was married to my dad, my aunt and dad spent $$$$ to make sure we had an awesome Christmas and got most, if not everything on our lists. And as we grew, my dad and aunt kept up that position. We made a list, we got the list and a few surprises.
This irked Susan to all end. She insisted they were trying to one up her, and make her look bad. She couldn't buy us anything, because THEY bought it all. One time, to shut her up, my dad gave her $500 a kid for christmas at her house. Let's just say the situation didn't improve.
Susan buying gifts is the weirdest thing. She buys things you've never heard of and certainly never voiced you might want. Like for Christmas when I was 16ish and had my own truck: eyelashes for my truck. What? Had i ever voiced that truck eyelashes were my thing? But it was always things like that. Random stuff that made you go huh?
As we grew into adults, Susan didn't get any better. The Christmas I was pregnant with my first, Susan made a long status and TAGGED ME IN IT that her and my stepdad weren't buying Christmas presents except for the kids who were still in school or college, and then the ones who had grandkids and of course the grandkids gifts. Out of SEVEN of us, guess who was the only one who didn't have kids, or wasn't in school any longer? yeah....
Now, to backtrack a little, Susan, who I moved out of her house at 14 and in with my dad because she's a narcissist, spent my entire childhood/teenage years complaining that my dad and aunt spoiled us, we got everything we wanted and that's not right, we shouldn't get new clothes, etc, we didn't need this, we didn't need that, we need to tell them no, etc. I'd stepped way back and only include her in my life once or twice every two or three months, but her sister recently died before this next scenario so we'd seen more of her that month with Halloween too, than we usually do. I had to restrict her on facebook, because she's now starting this with me again... Concerning my husband now-'you need to tell DH that you don't want that, you don't need that, you don't need anything new, you need to stop spending, if you have that much extra money send it this way, etc" and the same with DD- She's going to be a brat, you're spoiling her, you need to stop buying her clothes, she doesn't need anymore, she has too many toys". She's also mad that my aunt, who was way more of a mom than her from 14-till now, is with DD everyday, and gets her things, etc. SO what? Susan was the only one that was making a big deal out of any of it.
So, the first Christmas I was a mother, Susan posted the following on her book of faces. Which made me see red. I didn't comment, on it though.
"Christmas is coming {already}. What do you get kids under 7 that already have everything they want? That means girls and boys, they get everything they want all thru the year making it hard to get something the special on a special day. But kids are so spoiled along with some of the younger parents they want a gift in that hand. Sad"
Enter her hoard of flying monkeys telling her not the buy the spoiled brats a thing! Read them the CHRISTMAS STORY, blah blah blah. I started pulling away, hard. She wasn't going to put DD in the same bubble she'd put me, telling me I'm a spoiled brat that didn't deserve anything. She gave DD a $5 doggie shaped flash light with the tag still on it, DH a $1 pair of Dollar Tree work gloves (tag still on) and me a too small infinity scarf with a $3 tag and a windchime of elephants with a $5 tag on it (I hate windchimes and Susan is well aware of this, because she collects them and it triggers me from when I lived with her. Also, my entire house was done in owls. So, to be handed an elephant windchime is just letting me know she gives 0 shits about me, i should be more like her.) And you know what? I LOVE the dollar tree. I'm fine with ANYTHING, but the gifts she gave just showed that either she 1) didn't know anything about us or 2) didn't give a flying fuck. Probably both. (and as we opened these my brother, who was grown and in college in his 20's, opened a drone, a chrome cast thing, about $250 worth of art supplies, and a leather jacket.)
The next Christmas was the beginning of the cut off. I'd put her in a time out and asked for her to respect said time out both when I'd done it and when I told her 'heads up, I'm pregnant, but I still think we need a break.'... Instead of respecting that, my mom and grandmother pulled in behind me as I pulled into my aunts driveway and blocked me in on Christmas day and demanded I hand over my daughter then both cried big tears "she doesn't even know usssss!" which were promptly dried up when they began to discuss that baby #2 was a boy, I was my mom made over and of course baby #2 was a boy since it was due 2.5 years after DD1, and that's how it was with my brother after me. (DD2 is a girl).
I haven't physically seen my mother within 10 feet of me since that day. Every year around christmas she takes to the emails, and letters, and social media posts about how it's PATHETIC her daughter will spoil her kids and even have christmas cards done but won't even speak to her own mother. And usually it'll come up that I'm probably raising brats to be just like me.
I was actually sent a screenshot tonight of a rant from her about how it's not fair she can't have her grandkids for Christmas Eve and morning, so that's sort of what made me laugh and write this post. Sorta petty, but whatever. Susan sucks at Christmas so it bothers her that I enjoy the holiday, is the only thing I can figure.
Conversations with Susan (and why does this stick out for me?)
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order or subsequent charges (such as harassment and stalking) because of my stepdad's role within law enforcement.
When I became a mother, I was a month away from my 23rd birthday. We'd been married 2 years, (and this was my second marriage) so we weren't exactly teen parents or still living with any of our parents. We had our own house we owned outright, we both worked, we weren't helpless little kids, in other words.
I'd let my mother back in after a long period of no contact before I had the baby, and she was happily rug sweeping and pretending none of her "legal" stuff like the charges that never turned out and my numerous 48 hour jail stays due to her ever happened.
Until I started noticing when she'd post a photo of my kid, there'd be 3 or 4 comments i could not see. Upon investigation from my husband's account, I noticed it was two cops I had blocked years before from the previous mentioned "incidents". These two men were complete assholes to me as well as sexually inappropriate OUTSIDE of the station, but completely overbearing when I was arrested. In fact, they spent 2 hours NOT talking about what they thought I'd done, but how I needed to call my mother and my stepdad and her were GREAT people.
Our conversation, as follows.
Me- "Now Mom, I know you know I don't like Friend1 or Friend 2."
Susan: "Ha well they love me."
Me. "Well, I don't' like them. And I don't generally share photos of DD with people I don't like."
Susan "They ask me about DD now and then. So you don't want me showing her photo on fb?"
Me: "well, not to friend1 and friend2. I do not like either of them. They do not need to have access to photos of my child."
Susan: "All I did was put her on there i fthey respond its because they are friends with me not you. But i won't put anymore on here."
Me. "You don't have to be like that. I just asked you to restrict those two from my daughter's photos."
Susan: "I don't know what you want me to say. I love Friend1, he is a good friend and he works with stepdad. We ride motorbikes together and go eat at their house so if he says something about us on her photo I don't see what it hurts. But Idk what you want me to do, I took all her photos off my FB."
Me. "Can't you just make a setting to where those two cannot see pictures of my daughter? I have my reasons for not liking them, and they're justified in my eyes, so it definitely irks me when I see friend1 or friend2 on DD's pics."
Susan-"Nah. Like I said, I love Friend1 and he's a great friend. I would rather not put her pics on that try and hide it from him. Friend2, Idk, he never comments anyway he just likes. Do you still have that girl on yours that made the comment she \some random irrlevant shit from high school*? Do you have her blocked? I'm just asking because you don't like her but I still where she comments. What's the difference? Friend1 has been a great friend and been there for me when I need him a shoulder if you will. Never mind. Don't worry about it. I just won't put her pics on fb. Not a problem. Give my granddaughter a kiss from me. Night."*
Me. "You know what, forget it. Forget I said anything, just do what you want. I'm trying to parent my small child and you're more concerned about your friend's feelings. Do what you want, you'll do it anyway."
Susan, "Ok. Look, I don't want to argue over pictures. I respect your deicion your her mom so if you don't want my friends to see my beautiful grandbaby then I won't put pics of her on. I am sorry. not a problem. I thought it was cute and didn't know you wouldn't want friend1 and friend2 seeing pictures of my granddaughter just because you don't like them."
Me "Mom, I don't know what you want me to say. I do not want those two seeing my kid. I have my reasons for that."
Susan: "why don'y ou like him? I am just wondering."
Me: "Because he's been inappropriate in the past with me as well as friend2."
Susan: "well she is you baby. I respect that. I do not like some of their friends and their dumb comments but I haven't said anything because they your friends. I just wanted to keep a stink down is all. Friend1 is a good man. He has changed for the good and would do anything he could for you and brother. FRiend2, I could care less. It's not choosing him over my grandbaby its just not wanting to cause an issue at all. It kinda hurts my feelings you can't respect my feelings about him tho because he has always been a good to us and I really like him. I don't expect you to like all my friends just like you know i don't like any of yours but I would not ask you to restrict your friends from seeing DD. Friend1 is like a brother and I hate you feel that at him. I am just trying to keep a problem from rising again. That is all. Do you just not want him saying anything at all about her? in any photo's?"
Me. "Mom, he treated me like shit, like an object and a subhuman. I don't let my child be around people that act that way and FB is an extension of that. In other words if I don't let people see her normally, why would I let them see her online?"
Susan- "I haven't heard he treated you badly except if it was when you were in jail and that was to teach you a lesson. Like I said I respect your dicision. So I am just wanting to kee them at a minion. But just so you know, friend one has never ever said anything about you law wise except you needed to slow your roll and maybe being scared straight would help which is why we made some deicions if that's what you're saying. He has however asked how you and the baby are doing, just an fyi. Friend2 is a know it all and I do not like his wife. He friended me a few months ago and I think it was to be nosey. He's a smart ass. They're nothing alike. Friend1 wont run his mouth and would give you the shirt off his back. Friend2 would tell the world and sale you the shirt if you needed it. Nothing at all alike. I will restrict him on her photos if you restrict \my friend* and *my friend's mom* from everything. I cannot stand her and her dumbass comments."*
Me: "no, mother. That's not even close to being the same."
Susan: "just take me off your friends list if you want to. I'm not going to argue over fb. Just send me a pic if dd1 every now and then is all i ask. I am just tired of walking on eggshells with you. Just please start letting me see DD (This was BEFORE the cut off, she saw dd every couple of weeks.) I do not like \my friend* or my friend's mom but that's YOUR business. *my friend* and Her mom hid you from me and refused to hear what I needed to say about things (I was 19, seperated and trying to get a divorce.) You was a minor, yes, anything under 21 is a minor if you're not arried and you was getting a divorce! I could have had them charged with kidnapping! That was wrong they way they did and I told Friends Mom I had the law coming for her. That's why she hid you even more. That bitch didn't need to be a mom herself because she had no rules and had no respect for me as your mom. I still want to claw her eyes out. I pray you never go thru what i did with you, always trying to be around people and never wanting to come around to your own mother in time of need. Got a feeling it's gonna happen tho so good luck."*
Me. "No, because I know what not to do. And if it does, I understand that I'm not my child's only person of comfort."
Susan: "I am not sure what that means. It did not matter what I did you had to have your way or you'd run away to your dads. You will learn rules are there for a reason with our children. We give you rules to keep you safe and not go freaken wild. Because I had rules and your dad did not it just did not work for us. if he had been on board and be a dad and upheld my rules and not been a friend a lot of things would have turned out different with you. But those days are gone and can't be redone. Just try and remember you're going to have one just like you and you're going to see what I'm saying, get her under your thumb now or she will try and escape like you. Goes around comes around lol. Do you still hate me.?"
Me: "No, mom, i don't hate you. But I do remember a lot of the things that went down and it wouldn't have went the way it did if you hadn't done some of the stuff you did or insisted on being in control constantly. And I will remember that when it comes to DD."
Susan "I tried being your friend and still being your mom. I thought you had a great time. You always had friends over. All those sleepovers. Hell, how many of their moms took them rolling? how many of their moms had dress up at their house and sleepovers all the time? i had a few rules but the most part i do not understand what you're talking about. Your friends always told me they wished I was their mom. What did I do that you go so mad about? All i ever wanted was to be the best mom i could be and that is all I hope for you too. I just want to see you happy and us get along better, that's my wish. But it won't happen if you won't stop trying to control what I do, like whether my friends can see my granddaughter! You need to remember I am the mother and you are the child, you are not equal to me. I can still parent you, I can still spank your ass if you're being disobiedent, little girl. You need to remember that."
And... She was greeted with silence for a while.
This was about 6 months before the cut off, and all mistakes are hers. Feel free to share your opinion on this convo, because this one comes up in my head a lot when I'm going back over 'things that make my mom crazy' but my normal meter is so broken I don't know WHY.
When I became a mother, I was a month away from my 23rd birthday. We'd been married 2 years, (and this was my second marriage) so we weren't exactly teen parents or still living with any of our parents. We had our own house we owned outright, we both worked, we weren't helpless little kids, in other words.
I'd let my mother back in after a long period of no contact before I had the baby, and she was happily rug sweeping and pretending none of her "legal" stuff like the charges that never turned out and my numerous 48 hour jail stays due to her ever happened.
Until I started noticing when she'd post a photo of my kid, there'd be 3 or 4 comments i could not see. Upon investigation from my husband's account, I noticed it was two cops I had blocked years before from the previous mentioned "incidents". These two men were complete assholes to me as well as sexually inappropriate OUTSIDE of the station, but completely overbearing when I was arrested. In fact, they spent 2 hours NOT talking about what they thought I'd done, but how I needed to call my mother and my stepdad and her were GREAT people.
Our conversation, as follows.
Me- "Now Mom, I know you know I don't like Friend1 or Friend 2."
Susan: "Ha well they love me."
Me. "Well, I don't' like them. And I don't generally share photos of DD with people I don't like."
Susan "They ask me about DD now and then. So you don't want me showing her photo on fb?"
Me: "well, not to friend1 and friend2. I do not like either of them. They do not need to have access to photos of my child."
Susan: "All I did was put her on there i fthey respond its because they are friends with me not you. But i won't put anymore on here."
Me. "You don't have to be like that. I just asked you to restrict those two from my daughter's photos."
Susan: "I don't know what you want me to say. I love Friend1, he is a good friend and he works with stepdad. We ride motorbikes together and go eat at their house so if he says something about us on her photo I don't see what it hurts. But Idk what you want me to do, I took all her photos off my FB."
Me. "Can't you just make a setting to where those two cannot see pictures of my daughter? I have my reasons for not liking them, and they're justified in my eyes, so it definitely irks me when I see friend1 or friend2 on DD's pics."
Susan-"Nah. Like I said, I love Friend1 and he's a great friend. I would rather not put her pics on that try and hide it from him. Friend2, Idk, he never comments anyway he just likes. Do you still have that girl on yours that made the comment she \some random irrlevant shit from high school*? Do you have her blocked? I'm just asking because you don't like her but I still where she comments. What's the difference? Friend1 has been a great friend and been there for me when I need him a shoulder if you will. Never mind. Don't worry about it. I just won't put her pics on fb. Not a problem. Give my granddaughter a kiss from me. Night."*
Me. "You know what, forget it. Forget I said anything, just do what you want. I'm trying to parent my small child and you're more concerned about your friend's feelings. Do what you want, you'll do it anyway."
Susan, "Ok. Look, I don't want to argue over pictures. I respect your deicion your her mom so if you don't want my friends to see my beautiful grandbaby then I won't put pics of her on. I am sorry. not a problem. I thought it was cute and didn't know you wouldn't want friend1 and friend2 seeing pictures of my granddaughter just because you don't like them."
Me "Mom, I don't know what you want me to say. I do not want those two seeing my kid. I have my reasons for that."
Susan: "why don'y ou like him? I am just wondering."
Me: "Because he's been inappropriate in the past with me as well as friend2."
Susan: "well she is you baby. I respect that. I do not like some of their friends and their dumb comments but I haven't said anything because they your friends. I just wanted to keep a stink down is all. Friend1 is a good man. He has changed for the good and would do anything he could for you and brother. FRiend2, I could care less. It's not choosing him over my grandbaby its just not wanting to cause an issue at all. It kinda hurts my feelings you can't respect my feelings about him tho because he has always been a good to us and I really like him. I don't expect you to like all my friends just like you know i don't like any of yours but I would not ask you to restrict your friends from seeing DD. Friend1 is like a brother and I hate you feel that at him. I am just trying to keep a problem from rising again. That is all. Do you just not want him saying anything at all about her? in any photo's?"
Me. "Mom, he treated me like shit, like an object and a subhuman. I don't let my child be around people that act that way and FB is an extension of that. In other words if I don't let people see her normally, why would I let them see her online?"
Susan- "I haven't heard he treated you badly except if it was when you were in jail and that was to teach you a lesson. Like I said I respect your dicision. So I am just wanting to kee them at a minion. But just so you know, friend one has never ever said anything about you law wise except you needed to slow your roll and maybe being scared straight would help which is why we made some deicions if that's what you're saying. He has however asked how you and the baby are doing, just an fyi. Friend2 is a know it all and I do not like his wife. He friended me a few months ago and I think it was to be nosey. He's a smart ass. They're nothing alike. Friend1 wont run his mouth and would give you the shirt off his back. Friend2 would tell the world and sale you the shirt if you needed it. Nothing at all alike. I will restrict him on her photos if you restrict \my friend* and *my friend's mom* from everything. I cannot stand her and her dumbass comments."*
Me: "no, mother. That's not even close to being the same."
Susan: "just take me off your friends list if you want to. I'm not going to argue over fb. Just send me a pic if dd1 every now and then is all i ask. I am just tired of walking on eggshells with you. Just please start letting me see DD (This was BEFORE the cut off, she saw dd every couple of weeks.) I do not like \my friend* or my friend's mom but that's YOUR business. *my friend* and Her mom hid you from me and refused to hear what I needed to say about things (I was 19, seperated and trying to get a divorce.) You was a minor, yes, anything under 21 is a minor if you're not arried and you was getting a divorce! I could have had them charged with kidnapping! That was wrong they way they did and I told Friends Mom I had the law coming for her. That's why she hid you even more. That bitch didn't need to be a mom herself because she had no rules and had no respect for me as your mom. I still want to claw her eyes out. I pray you never go thru what i did with you, always trying to be around people and never wanting to come around to your own mother in time of need. Got a feeling it's gonna happen tho so good luck."*
Me. "No, because I know what not to do. And if it does, I understand that I'm not my child's only person of comfort."
Susan: "I am not sure what that means. It did not matter what I did you had to have your way or you'd run away to your dads. You will learn rules are there for a reason with our children. We give you rules to keep you safe and not go freaken wild. Because I had rules and your dad did not it just did not work for us. if he had been on board and be a dad and upheld my rules and not been a friend a lot of things would have turned out different with you. But those days are gone and can't be redone. Just try and remember you're going to have one just like you and you're going to see what I'm saying, get her under your thumb now or she will try and escape like you. Goes around comes around lol. Do you still hate me.?"
Me: "No, mom, i don't hate you. But I do remember a lot of the things that went down and it wouldn't have went the way it did if you hadn't done some of the stuff you did or insisted on being in control constantly. And I will remember that when it comes to DD."
Susan "I tried being your friend and still being your mom. I thought you had a great time. You always had friends over. All those sleepovers. Hell, how many of their moms took them rolling? how many of their moms had dress up at their house and sleepovers all the time? i had a few rules but the most part i do not understand what you're talking about. Your friends always told me they wished I was their mom. What did I do that you go so mad about? All i ever wanted was to be the best mom i could be and that is all I hope for you too. I just want to see you happy and us get along better, that's my wish. But it won't happen if you won't stop trying to control what I do, like whether my friends can see my granddaughter! You need to remember I am the mother and you are the child, you are not equal to me. I can still parent you, I can still spank your ass if you're being disobiedent, little girl. You need to remember that."
And... She was greeted with silence for a while.
This was about 6 months before the cut off, and all mistakes are hers. Feel free to share your opinion on this convo, because this one comes up in my head a lot when I'm going back over 'things that make my mom crazy' but my normal meter is so broken I don't know WHY.
A Collection of Letters from Susan, Chapt. 3 (More ramblings of pure crazy.)
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order or subsequent charges because of my stepdad's role within law enforcement.
These are older, as well, not present day. I will of course try and put my thoughts in parenthesis. All errors, as usual, are Susan's.
"You desurve nothing nice in this life. You have put your family thru HELL. Your husband will leave you and your kids will hate you and THEN you will wish you had your mom. Too bad you want because your a selfish bitch.
I hope you toss and turn and never get a moment of sleep again. You have earned that.
I hope you can't sleep tonight. I hope you toss and you turn. O hope your husband comes to his sinces and leaves you to figure it out as a single mom like I had to (except my dad had 50/50 custody and paid for everything. She literally did not have to pay a dime for us..) and I STILL gave you fun times, remember those sleepovers? Alimoney and child support don't pay for all those fancy things you love so much. I had to have a colonsophy (this was LONG after the 'I had to have a colonoscopy so I probably have cancer situation) and you didn't care. You wouldn't even let me see my grandbaby (She had TWO grandbabies at this time but only chose to talk about the oldest, she's never met #2). I hope you have a bad health problem so you can know how I feel. I hope you can 200 lbs and can't find a man."
"Op. I shallendge you to make yourself a better person. Let your family back in your life. Let your kids get to know their family. Stop shopping and spending money on ridikulous things. Stop going all the time. Get off your ass and learn to cook instead of eating out constantly. Stop buying toys and expensive stuff. All your teaching them is to be spoiled brats that nobody likes and to pretend to be somebody their not. (except that's what she calls me and SHE raised me for the most part. I didn't move out till 14, so where did she go so wrong? because lord knows I am EVERYTHING she is claiming my kids are going to be, in her eyes.)
You don't need a fancy car or expensive clothes or the Latest cell phone or purse to be happy you need your family. I will help you lose wait and you'll be so much happier and healthier.
There's a place in town that does free mental evals please let me take you there. You need me. I'm your mom. I'll be here when (Dh's name spelled incorrectly) is not.
I desurve respect. You think your a grown women well you need to stop and listen to what your mom is telling you and do what i say because I am older and been thru a lot more than you have and i know a thing or too.
Please get help OP."
These are older, as well, not present day. I will of course try and put my thoughts in parenthesis. All errors, as usual, are Susan's.
"You desurve nothing nice in this life. You have put your family thru HELL. Your husband will leave you and your kids will hate you and THEN you will wish you had your mom. Too bad you want because your a selfish bitch.
I hope you toss and turn and never get a moment of sleep again. You have earned that.
I hope you can't sleep tonight. I hope you toss and you turn. O hope your husband comes to his sinces and leaves you to figure it out as a single mom like I had to (except my dad had 50/50 custody and paid for everything. She literally did not have to pay a dime for us..) and I STILL gave you fun times, remember those sleepovers? Alimoney and child support don't pay for all those fancy things you love so much. I had to have a colonsophy (this was LONG after the 'I had to have a colonoscopy so I probably have cancer situation) and you didn't care. You wouldn't even let me see my grandbaby (She had TWO grandbabies at this time but only chose to talk about the oldest, she's never met #2). I hope you have a bad health problem so you can know how I feel. I hope you can 200 lbs and can't find a man."
"Op. I shallendge you to make yourself a better person. Let your family back in your life. Let your kids get to know their family. Stop shopping and spending money on ridikulous things. Stop going all the time. Get off your ass and learn to cook instead of eating out constantly. Stop buying toys and expensive stuff. All your teaching them is to be spoiled brats that nobody likes and to pretend to be somebody their not. (except that's what she calls me and SHE raised me for the most part. I didn't move out till 14, so where did she go so wrong? because lord knows I am EVERYTHING she is claiming my kids are going to be, in her eyes.)
You don't need a fancy car or expensive clothes or the Latest cell phone or purse to be happy you need your family. I will help you lose wait and you'll be so much happier and healthier.
There's a place in town that does free mental evals please let me take you there. You need me. I'm your mom. I'll be here when (Dh's name spelled incorrectly) is not.
I desurve respect. You think your a grown women well you need to stop and listen to what your mom is telling you and do what i say because I am older and been thru a lot more than you have and i know a thing or too.
Please get help OP."
Susan Reports Me Missing Quite Often
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. I have been denied a restraining order multiple times. I have a lawyer. This is just therapeutic at this point in time.
I decided to write about this because it came up last night (I will elaborate). I believe I've touched on it before, but, details!!
So, one of Susan's favorite control tactics is to report me missing. She's been doing this for a while and seems to enjoy the frenzy it brings. She started out sort of small (multiple book of faces pages on local buy, sell, or trade groups) and has gotten more brazen, like contacting law enforcement.
The first time was absolutely devastating for some reason. It was a normal Saturday, we'd been at a flea market and had just finished our grocery shopping. My phone all of a sudden went nuts. I was getting book of face messages, texts, posts and tags... The usual "are you okay", and "where are you? What happened" and my husband even got "praying for you!" posts/messages.
Susan had posted in no less than THIRTY local BST groups. She'd put a photo of her and my child, who was about 1 at the time of the photo, which made absolutely no sense why she'd put a photo of herself and my child on such a post.
"Missing
$1
If any body knows my daughter (full name including maiden name that I fucking haven't used in years) please tell her HER MOTHER MISSES her very much. Anything I may have said was something that had already been said. But regardless the past is just that, I forgive her and ask for her to do the same. No matter what I love my daughter, I'm not perfect but we always had a great relationship and I miss that. So if you know OP please tell her let the past go and let her mom back in her life before it's to late. I'm trying so hard to let her know I love her."
People I didn't even know were blowing me up. People also lack the ability to read so some assumed I was actually missing, others thought I was a non custodial parent who'd taken my daughter since there was a baby in the picture, and the ones who did read were just like wtf...
I just pm'd admins and others and made a private (friends only) post on my own social media that my crazy mom was full of shit, but never acknowledged her. In the past three years, though, she's gotten more thorough on her bullshit. She's called welfare checks constantly with the sheriff's department when I still lived at home. One week I had FOUR. They'd knock on the door, ask me my name and tell me to "call my mother." um, no? They'd ask to see only DD1, to verify she was "still in the state" (again, what? My kid isn't subject to any decrees or rulings keeping her within those state lines).
There was even a week we'd gone to the beach 6 hours away for a week and when I came back got pulled over within 5 minutes of entering my county because I had been reported missing and hadn't responded to welfare checks. (again, grown woman here. On her second marriage. was 23/24 at the time of the FIRST report sooo).
About a year ago, we began traveling and moved 1900 miles from home. By that time my brother was NC too, so she'd send welfare checks after him, too. But the cops were reporting back to her "the house is grown up, the doors are locked and deadbolted, it doesn't look like anybody's been there in a while" because she'd write me long, drawn out letters that first i was 1) hiding in the house like a recluse, ashamed because my husband left me 2) had "run away" with my kids (can adults run away?) and 3) fled the state, and had I told the law enforcement agencies I'd left, and was I even allowed to leave the state? I was a felon after all. (I'm not really sure what she thinks felons are supposed to do. My charge is felonious bad check, from almost a decade ago, there's not exactly a registry for that.)
What triggered me to recall all of this was last night's email. Of course, I won't be contacting her, but my PTSD is acting up. I despise when people knock on my door because of past experiences with her crap and have been diagnosed with mild PTSD from it. But, at least I know to expect it. I suppose this is all more of a vent than anything, thanks for sticking with me.
OP,
I've tried several times to reach out to you and have gotton no response from you. I've come to your house, but the gate is locked and there is new construction so you cannt go around the gate any further. I've tried to call but your number is not in service. This is the 4th email I have sent to no response in the past 2 weeks. If I do not here from you by November 4 2019 I will be contacting the appripriate channels within Current State 800 miles from home and Home State and reporting you missing. It is not like my daughter to go without social media and her phone so something is wrong and I hope you haven't gone off the deep end and hurt my babies.
I really wish that whatever it is you think I've done could be forgiven. I've apologized for anything and everything and its been 4 years. You was always my pretty girl and all i ever wanted for you was to be everuthing I knew you could be. Why do you think we had the sleepvers, the fun times, the rolling? And your throwing our relationship away over something that I don't understand. We was best friends, OP!
You have until the 4th to contact me to let me know you're okay or I will be contacting law enforcement in New State and Old State. And the news. It's time you let by gones be by gones.
I lvoe you.
Susan.
A Collection Of Letters From Susan: Chapt. 2 (more ramblings of crazy)
Trigger warning, death.
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. I have been denied a restraining order multiple times. I have a lawyer. This is just therapeutic at this point in time.
I will try and put my commentary in parenthesis and bold. All mistakes are hers.
"You need to remember the good times OP remember the sleepovers. Them you left me for your'e dads only beause him and aunt let you do whatever you want. You made up shit about (my first husband, now ex) and him abusing you just like you make up shit about me abusing you. I have been in contact with First Husband and you rooned his life like your trying to do mine. Keeping me from my grand baby is rooning my life OP I love DD unlike I have ever loved anything else. First husband is willing to sign papers saying you have lost your mental saneity even if DH won't. Its time you get help. Can I come see DD tomorrow while DH is at work. You have always had something not completely there with you but it has gotten worse lately. You always spent too much time worrying about your hair or clothes looking like other girls hair and clothes you always wanted to go on big vacations which is a waist of money and you even chose the most $$$ school in the state just to make me feel bad. what is wrong with you op why must you always spend money and why are you teeching DD to act like that too. Stop spending money. You do not need or desurve expensive clothes or vacations or need to get your hair cut or colors. if you have so much money you want to throw it away send it this way but i dout you do. When you work and keep a clean house and be humble and wear dirt cheap clothes like the rest of us then you can say you desurve it. Stop. you need to call me. grow up owen up to your mistakes and lets make this right I am older and wiser than you and know my stuff you could learn from me I am your mother." (My first husband, who I married at 18 to escape her, was abusive. He beat me and his favorite drinking game was real like russain roulette with a 38 revolver and 1 hollow point. At the time she HATED him and did everything she could to break us up, without knowing what was going on behind closed doors. As for the college thing, I did go to an expensive school, on a full scholarship. I wanted to go to HUGE SEC school in the south, but it was out of state and she pitched a royal fit. I would've saved money at the SEC school, she didn't pay a dime for anything education related. She also got really upset because she liked thrifting and going to a seconds store that was filthy called Dirt Cheap. It's not my jam at all, nothing against it, but it's just not. Before the cut off she'd comment on my pictures and say "you need to give me that shirt, you're only going to wear it one time." At no time has Susan ever supported or even gave me a dime, so... She's pretty obsessed with my money though.)
"You think Life is all about you and it is not OP there are other people that matter more than you op so you need to get over yourself and let us see dd. She is going to hate you when she grows up and wanders why she doesn't know her granny. I used to pray after you mooved out that youd one day have a daughter that was worse than you were so you would know how i feel and i hope she gives you hell we already know she is going to hate you for keeping her from her tru e family. you can keep thinkin your a great mom but you are not. I was a great mom. The sleepovers you were always happen always had a friend in and out but I never kept you from family and your a bad mom from keeping DD from family. You foxus more on stupid not important things like how DD is dressed instead of letting her know her family!!! (Her sister) is dead! (her sister's daughter, my cousin) is dead! its time to step up for your grandmother and get whatever little hissy fit your throwing and let us see our DD. Get OVER IT Op. Your a sick person your not normal you need mental help bad baby who has a baby and doesn't tell anybody or let family at the hospital thats not normal you need mental help. You think your feelings matter they don't be an adult and quit acting like a titty baby with your feelings. EVeruthng we did was for your own good. I haven't done a damn thing wrong that wasn't for YOUR OWN GOOD. YOu are just a little girl trying to play house thinking your important well your not you need your mom! Stop acting like you don't." (My cousin was a recovering alcoholic but her mom was a narc too. She wasn't speaking to her mom when she died in a car accident, and then my aunt died 18 months later of a heart attack which everyone claims was 'of a broken heart' and not eating opiates like they were candy for the better part of 30 years. I had had enough of the aunt when she told me that it should have been ME in the accident, not her daughter, and my kid should have been my cousin's, and not mine, and I was a self centered bitch who didn't feed or take care of her kid. Why would she think this? Because my MOM went to a ped appt with us and my doctor said she was healthy but petite so that = OP is starving her kid. Susan tried to deny stirring that pot, but who else would have told her anything like that?)
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. I have been denied a restraining order multiple times. I have a lawyer. This is just therapeutic at this point in time.
I will try and put my commentary in parenthesis and bold. All mistakes are hers.
"You need to remember the good times OP remember the sleepovers. Them you left me for your'e dads only beause him and aunt let you do whatever you want. You made up shit about (my first husband, now ex) and him abusing you just like you make up shit about me abusing you. I have been in contact with First Husband and you rooned his life like your trying to do mine. Keeping me from my grand baby is rooning my life OP I love DD unlike I have ever loved anything else. First husband is willing to sign papers saying you have lost your mental saneity even if DH won't. Its time you get help. Can I come see DD tomorrow while DH is at work. You have always had something not completely there with you but it has gotten worse lately. You always spent too much time worrying about your hair or clothes looking like other girls hair and clothes you always wanted to go on big vacations which is a waist of money and you even chose the most $$$ school in the state just to make me feel bad. what is wrong with you op why must you always spend money and why are you teeching DD to act like that too. Stop spending money. You do not need or desurve expensive clothes or vacations or need to get your hair cut or colors. if you have so much money you want to throw it away send it this way but i dout you do. When you work and keep a clean house and be humble and wear dirt cheap clothes like the rest of us then you can say you desurve it. Stop. you need to call me. grow up owen up to your mistakes and lets make this right I am older and wiser than you and know my stuff you could learn from me I am your mother." (My first husband, who I married at 18 to escape her, was abusive. He beat me and his favorite drinking game was real like russain roulette with a 38 revolver and 1 hollow point. At the time she HATED him and did everything she could to break us up, without knowing what was going on behind closed doors. As for the college thing, I did go to an expensive school, on a full scholarship. I wanted to go to HUGE SEC school in the south, but it was out of state and she pitched a royal fit. I would've saved money at the SEC school, she didn't pay a dime for anything education related. She also got really upset because she liked thrifting and going to a seconds store that was filthy called Dirt Cheap. It's not my jam at all, nothing against it, but it's just not. Before the cut off she'd comment on my pictures and say "you need to give me that shirt, you're only going to wear it one time." At no time has Susan ever supported or even gave me a dime, so... She's pretty obsessed with my money though.)
"You think Life is all about you and it is not OP there are other people that matter more than you op so you need to get over yourself and let us see dd. She is going to hate you when she grows up and wanders why she doesn't know her granny. I used to pray after you mooved out that youd one day have a daughter that was worse than you were so you would know how i feel and i hope she gives you hell we already know she is going to hate you for keeping her from her tru e family. you can keep thinkin your a great mom but you are not. I was a great mom. The sleepovers you were always happen always had a friend in and out but I never kept you from family and your a bad mom from keeping DD from family. You foxus more on stupid not important things like how DD is dressed instead of letting her know her family!!! (Her sister) is dead! (her sister's daughter, my cousin) is dead! its time to step up for your grandmother and get whatever little hissy fit your throwing and let us see our DD. Get OVER IT Op. Your a sick person your not normal you need mental help bad baby who has a baby and doesn't tell anybody or let family at the hospital thats not normal you need mental help. You think your feelings matter they don't be an adult and quit acting like a titty baby with your feelings. EVeruthng we did was for your own good. I haven't done a damn thing wrong that wasn't for YOUR OWN GOOD. YOu are just a little girl trying to play house thinking your important well your not you need your mom! Stop acting like you don't." (My cousin was a recovering alcoholic but her mom was a narc too. She wasn't speaking to her mom when she died in a car accident, and then my aunt died 18 months later of a heart attack which everyone claims was 'of a broken heart' and not eating opiates like they were candy for the better part of 30 years. I had had enough of the aunt when she told me that it should have been ME in the accident, not her daughter, and my kid should have been my cousin's, and not mine, and I was a self centered bitch who didn't feed or take care of her kid. Why would she think this? Because my MOM went to a ped appt with us and my doctor said she was healthy but petite so that = OP is starving her kid. Susan tried to deny stirring that pot, but who else would have told her anything like that?)
Susan Thinks I Purposely Make Her Look Foolish
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
Susan has her moments. She swears up and down she doesn't drink, or take pills, or do drugs, but in the past she's been a big fan of Xanax and Ambien chased by some wine coolers, so that's neither here nor there. I have some deep posts to make in the upcoming days (and thank you for those that stick with me) but for tonight, decided to make a light hearted post of the things Susan has said (or posted) concerning me or my kids that makes zero or very little sense to normal humans. When we talked and I'd ask her WHAT? or say it made no sense, she'd tell me I was just trying to make her look foolish, everyone else could understand.... Susan's only language is English, she's never spoke anything else, so no language barrier there. Feel free to translate, if you'd like.
Susan made a new profile on the book of faces, and shared my husband's profile picture, which was of me, my two girls, and my husband, in a woody park, 3 hours from the closest aquarium? (and a solid 2 years since she'd been involved in anything concerning me or my children). "My daughter is looking very excited. I with I had an Trinity mm Aquarium with my grandchildren one of these days but for some reason I've never been invited I would love to go and see all those sweet to the smiley faces you make it down and wanting to be just like. Then there are I'm just not sad two kids I don't ever see or talk to listen to constantly be talking to their father and there's (stepdad's name?) with" (yes, it stopped there with no ending or punctuation soooo.)
On a post I made RIGHT before I cut her off for good, about mattress shopping (literally, husband and I looked at mattresses and would be going to a bigger store the next day.) "Now Who in this great world of technology what will such a thing." and "Forgive my statement not meant to make a foolish area in my words". Then I messaged her saying they didn't make sense, and I got "I did and make mistakes. Just trying to make a statement, not and argument. Technology goes a long way so with that said there should not have been such a mistake on her issues like her nose, whomever it might me. forget it. I delete it. Don't won't you making me feel foolish. I won't response again."
Random FB comment under a photo of what I'd cooked for supper (yes, I'm THAT person lol). "Do you ever have foots you don't us 9we are sucked dry on money.. no.. money... to by anything other doctor billds and insruances killing. Thansk 2 we are broke. 300 in bank and no food n cab inetted. maybe an over sdart. But we'll figure figure something out. No. Monry in bank bit well2 figut somehyning out."
Under a photo of my kid on a swing, "Op, I cute. At doc! Left Brother saluting opinions. For hamburgers." (For some reason this makes me cry with laughter. Really. All I could imagine is my brother, saluting random opinions on hamburger joints and I could. not. stop. laughing.)
Random email, after the cut off... "I know fun watching us with them than watching you try come petie with the upper clato the side pissies me owhole timeff the ss that kept you, love mom."
Another random email, after the cut off, "I'm not fusing rado catles. I think i'm gonna love it at grandma the androide here by the male and i think i gonna love it. I'll maje sure he there. (Dh's name) hats visits go outside my baby fujdge him."
A comment on my blog, 3+ years after cut off and 3+ years since I'd so much as said boo to the woman, "LEAVE MEALONE! STOP MAKING MELOOK FOR YOU! (Well, there's some English). I HUNGARY, (I wish you were, but you probably are not aware that's a country) I TRIED, I SICK AND TRIED OF YOUR BULLSHITE! LOSE THE WAIT! CALL YOU!"
Susan has her moments. She swears up and down she doesn't drink, or take pills, or do drugs, but in the past she's been a big fan of Xanax and Ambien chased by some wine coolers, so that's neither here nor there. I have some deep posts to make in the upcoming days (and thank you for those that stick with me) but for tonight, decided to make a light hearted post of the things Susan has said (or posted) concerning me or my kids that makes zero or very little sense to normal humans. When we talked and I'd ask her WHAT? or say it made no sense, she'd tell me I was just trying to make her look foolish, everyone else could understand.... Susan's only language is English, she's never spoke anything else, so no language barrier there. Feel free to translate, if you'd like.
Susan made a new profile on the book of faces, and shared my husband's profile picture, which was of me, my two girls, and my husband, in a woody park, 3 hours from the closest aquarium? (and a solid 2 years since she'd been involved in anything concerning me or my children). "My daughter is looking very excited. I with I had an Trinity mm Aquarium with my grandchildren one of these days but for some reason I've never been invited I would love to go and see all those sweet to the smiley faces you make it down and wanting to be just like. Then there are I'm just not sad two kids I don't ever see or talk to listen to constantly be talking to their father and there's (stepdad's name?) with" (yes, it stopped there with no ending or punctuation soooo.)
On a post I made RIGHT before I cut her off for good, about mattress shopping (literally, husband and I looked at mattresses and would be going to a bigger store the next day.) "Now Who in this great world of technology what will such a thing." and "Forgive my statement not meant to make a foolish area in my words". Then I messaged her saying they didn't make sense, and I got "I did and make mistakes. Just trying to make a statement, not and argument. Technology goes a long way so with that said there should not have been such a mistake on her issues like her nose, whomever it might me. forget it. I delete it. Don't won't you making me feel foolish. I won't response again."
Random FB comment under a photo of what I'd cooked for supper (yes, I'm THAT person lol). "Do you ever have foots you don't us 9we are sucked dry on money.. no.. money... to by anything other doctor billds and insruances killing. Thansk 2 we are broke. 300 in bank and no food n cab inetted. maybe an over sdart. But we'll figure figure something out. No. Monry in bank bit well2 figut somehyning out."
Under a photo of my kid on a swing, "Op, I cute. At doc! Left Brother saluting opinions. For hamburgers." (For some reason this makes me cry with laughter. Really. All I could imagine is my brother, saluting random opinions on hamburger joints and I could. not. stop. laughing.)
Random email, after the cut off... "I know fun watching us with them than watching you try come petie with the upper clato the side pissies me owhole timeff the ss that kept you, love mom."
Another random email, after the cut off, "I'm not fusing rado catles. I think i'm gonna love it at grandma the androide here by the male and i think i gonna love it. I'll maje sure he there. (Dh's name) hats visits go outside my baby fujdge him."
A comment on my blog, 3+ years after cut off and 3+ years since I'd so much as said boo to the woman, "LEAVE MEALONE! STOP MAKING MELOOK FOR YOU! (Well, there's some English). I HUNGARY, (I wish you were, but you probably are not aware that's a country) I TRIED, I SICK AND TRIED OF YOUR BULLSHITE! LOSE THE WAIT! CALL YOU!"
Susan Thinks Everyone Wants Her Man
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. I have been denied a restraining order multiple times. I have a lawyer. This is just therapeutic at this point in time.
Trigger Warning: sexual talks, drunk driver, death
Susan is incredibly weird when it comes to her husband. SUPER weird. She met him when I was 9ish, and saw stars because he was a police officer and Susan loves control. She was still married to my dad, and my stepdad was still married to the mother of his then 4 (they'd end up having another child before he actually got divorced FIVE years later) children. She said he looked like a famous actor who fell from good graces by doing lots of coke, womanizing, and handing out HIV; she even tried to dress him like him by supplying him dozens of bowling style shirts (while bitching at her children that if they needed feminine products or even pencils for school we should call our father, it's not her responsibility).
Suddenly Susan, who'd sat me down at the age of 5ish to explain that sex is gross, tell me exactly how it's done and that it hurts because the woman is "small" down there, and it's nasty and the only reason she's ever done anything sexual was to have kids (and later saying oral sex was gross because you pee from the same holes and why would anybody want that in their mouth, sealing the deal that Susan is pretty fucking dumb when it comes to anatomy), was giggly and brazen. She'd giggle and bat her eyes and speculate out loud to her preteen daughter (me) that she just knew stepdad had a "big ole lincoln log" and he must be really good in bed to have so many children, and on and on and on and on. I even called her out on her shit one day-telling her I thought she said sex HURT? So why was she wanting to sleep with this married man and WHY was she telling her kid about it? Suddenly her story changed to: well, she had a hysterectomy so it didn't hurt her anymore. It's not fun but you do what you do to please your man. Um, ok?
Susan and her (then boyfriend) broke up dozens of times when they were dating, usually centering around the fact neither of their dumbasses were actually legally divorced. She'd spend days and weeks agonizing that she KNEW he wasn't talking to her because he was back with his wife. He was such a piece of shit and his wife is a whore. Um... Ok. After FIVE years of this, they finally both got divorced and immediately got married (for the first time. Susan and stepdad have been married 4 times and divorced 3).
Now, with all that being said, Susan goes through best friends like she does underwear. She's had 5-6 since I was 13 or so, and she's accused 3 of them of sleeping with her husband. She even told one of her VERY BEST bffs she wasn't allowed to come back to her house because she dared wear a tank top in her house and that was just trying to seduce stepdad. Yes, because that's exactly why women with boyfriends/husbands in the deep south in the middle of July wear tank tops, Susan. To seduce your husband. She literally sat this poor woman down and told her that she dresses too immodestly to be her friend, and she should stay away because she KNOWS she's trying to land stepdad in bed. She also spent our "sleepovers" warning all of us girls to make sure we had "appropriate t-shirts and shorts long enough to cover your MONKEY (Susan's word for vagina)" because she wouldn't want to subject stepdad to such things.
The fun thing about Susan is that even when you're separated or divorced from her, you still belong to her. When stepdad and Susan split the first time, two weeks after the divorce papers were signed she started stalking his new house and KICKED THE DOOR IN when he had a female friend over and DRAGGED HER OFF THE BAR STOOL SHE WAS SITTING ON into the yard, BY HER HAIR. The second time they split they remained in the same house because neither had the money to move, and she was pretty convinced the neighbor was screwing stepdad, so she went to their privacy fence one day when she knew the neighbor would be gardening, got a step stool, asked to talk to her now that she could see into the neighbor's yard, and proceeded to have a screaming match which ended with stepdad and two on duty officers having to pull Susan off the neighbor because she had her by the hair trying to pull her across the damn privacy fence. (No charges were filed. Of course they weren't. And how do I know about all of this? because SHE TOLD ME. And she was proud of herself.)
The third time they split she was pretty convinced he was dating a girl from the college at which he worked. The girl worked there, too. She never had any proof he 'messed around with her', but was sure to call the girl's bosses, write letters, and generally blast across the internet to let everyone know she was a slut who didn't respect another woman's man (again. DIVORCED.)
She even accused ME of sleeping with her husband. Sent me messages when I was working night shift at the local ER and told me that she knew we had something going on! stepdad was erasing messages again and the only place she saw him stop (because she was still following him around in his cop car) was at the ER on nights I was working, and I needed to call her now! "Ya'll have something going on! CALL ME! I can't believe you! my own daughter!" Never mind that at 2/3am the only places open were Walmart, the ER, and the jail, so yeah, the police were in and out of our ER a LOT (and I WAS dating another officer on his force at the time lol. I would often ask for energy drinks or a slush or something from Taco Bell and he'd hear his coworker go "away" across the radio so he'd often come there, too, on slow nights) . She STILL thinks I slept with stepdad, because I *knew* they were split up, and I wouldn't tell her why else he'd be there. (HIPAA, mother. It's a thing. to which she'd screech about she's not DUMB HIPAA is an animal and I'm just trying to make her look stupid. No, mother. You're doing that all by yourself.)
At my cousin (4 years older than me and passed away because of a drunk driving incident)'s wake, my stepdad made a comment that "cousin was always a very nice girl, he liked her" and when he walked away she asked "did I think cousin had slept with stepdad? I mean, she was a whore, she slept with ANYBODY and was a 'badge bunny'." Cue me saying the baby's diaper needed changed and walking away.
Finally, she chose stepdad's "grandfather name". It was (something similar to but not exactly, because, internet) "Big Daddy." She giggled like a school girl and smiled and told my grandmother in front of me and my stepsister in law that "well if the shoe fits the lincoln log...." teehee, teehee. I never figured out WHY on earth she'd chose that, because he didn't get to use his grandpa name long before I went no contact. I never referred to the man as "big" anything, but called him the same thing I had for years since I'd met him at 9 and he told me to call him by his first name.
So, there we have a glimpse into Susan and her feelings on her husband and his giant aura of sex appeal. Apparently the man does nothing but shit, sleep, and fuck if one was to listen to my mom.
Trigger Warning: sexual talks, drunk driver, death
Susan is incredibly weird when it comes to her husband. SUPER weird. She met him when I was 9ish, and saw stars because he was a police officer and Susan loves control. She was still married to my dad, and my stepdad was still married to the mother of his then 4 (they'd end up having another child before he actually got divorced FIVE years later) children. She said he looked like a famous actor who fell from good graces by doing lots of coke, womanizing, and handing out HIV; she even tried to dress him like him by supplying him dozens of bowling style shirts (while bitching at her children that if they needed feminine products or even pencils for school we should call our father, it's not her responsibility).
Suddenly Susan, who'd sat me down at the age of 5ish to explain that sex is gross, tell me exactly how it's done and that it hurts because the woman is "small" down there, and it's nasty and the only reason she's ever done anything sexual was to have kids (and later saying oral sex was gross because you pee from the same holes and why would anybody want that in their mouth, sealing the deal that Susan is pretty fucking dumb when it comes to anatomy), was giggly and brazen. She'd giggle and bat her eyes and speculate out loud to her preteen daughter (me) that she just knew stepdad had a "big ole lincoln log" and he must be really good in bed to have so many children, and on and on and on and on. I even called her out on her shit one day-telling her I thought she said sex HURT? So why was she wanting to sleep with this married man and WHY was she telling her kid about it? Suddenly her story changed to: well, she had a hysterectomy so it didn't hurt her anymore. It's not fun but you do what you do to please your man. Um, ok?
Susan and her (then boyfriend) broke up dozens of times when they were dating, usually centering around the fact neither of their dumbasses were actually legally divorced. She'd spend days and weeks agonizing that she KNEW he wasn't talking to her because he was back with his wife. He was such a piece of shit and his wife is a whore. Um... Ok. After FIVE years of this, they finally both got divorced and immediately got married (for the first time. Susan and stepdad have been married 4 times and divorced 3).
Now, with all that being said, Susan goes through best friends like she does underwear. She's had 5-6 since I was 13 or so, and she's accused 3 of them of sleeping with her husband. She even told one of her VERY BEST bffs she wasn't allowed to come back to her house because she dared wear a tank top in her house and that was just trying to seduce stepdad. Yes, because that's exactly why women with boyfriends/husbands in the deep south in the middle of July wear tank tops, Susan. To seduce your husband. She literally sat this poor woman down and told her that she dresses too immodestly to be her friend, and she should stay away because she KNOWS she's trying to land stepdad in bed. She also spent our "sleepovers" warning all of us girls to make sure we had "appropriate t-shirts and shorts long enough to cover your MONKEY (Susan's word for vagina)" because she wouldn't want to subject stepdad to such things.
The fun thing about Susan is that even when you're separated or divorced from her, you still belong to her. When stepdad and Susan split the first time, two weeks after the divorce papers were signed she started stalking his new house and KICKED THE DOOR IN when he had a female friend over and DRAGGED HER OFF THE BAR STOOL SHE WAS SITTING ON into the yard, BY HER HAIR. The second time they split they remained in the same house because neither had the money to move, and she was pretty convinced the neighbor was screwing stepdad, so she went to their privacy fence one day when she knew the neighbor would be gardening, got a step stool, asked to talk to her now that she could see into the neighbor's yard, and proceeded to have a screaming match which ended with stepdad and two on duty officers having to pull Susan off the neighbor because she had her by the hair trying to pull her across the damn privacy fence. (No charges were filed. Of course they weren't. And how do I know about all of this? because SHE TOLD ME. And she was proud of herself.)
The third time they split she was pretty convinced he was dating a girl from the college at which he worked. The girl worked there, too. She never had any proof he 'messed around with her', but was sure to call the girl's bosses, write letters, and generally blast across the internet to let everyone know she was a slut who didn't respect another woman's man (again. DIVORCED.)
She even accused ME of sleeping with her husband. Sent me messages when I was working night shift at the local ER and told me that she knew we had something going on! stepdad was erasing messages again and the only place she saw him stop (because she was still following him around in his cop car) was at the ER on nights I was working, and I needed to call her now! "Ya'll have something going on! CALL ME! I can't believe you! my own daughter!" Never mind that at 2/3am the only places open were Walmart, the ER, and the jail, so yeah, the police were in and out of our ER a LOT (and I WAS dating another officer on his force at the time lol. I would often ask for energy drinks or a slush or something from Taco Bell and he'd hear his coworker go "away" across the radio so he'd often come there, too, on slow nights) . She STILL thinks I slept with stepdad, because I *knew* they were split up, and I wouldn't tell her why else he'd be there. (HIPAA, mother. It's a thing. to which she'd screech about she's not DUMB HIPAA is an animal and I'm just trying to make her look stupid. No, mother. You're doing that all by yourself.)
At my cousin (4 years older than me and passed away because of a drunk driving incident)'s wake, my stepdad made a comment that "cousin was always a very nice girl, he liked her" and when he walked away she asked "did I think cousin had slept with stepdad? I mean, she was a whore, she slept with ANYBODY and was a 'badge bunny'." Cue me saying the baby's diaper needed changed and walking away.
Finally, she chose stepdad's "grandfather name". It was (something similar to but not exactly, because, internet) "Big Daddy." She giggled like a school girl and smiled and told my grandmother in front of me and my stepsister in law that "well if the shoe fits the lincoln log...." teehee, teehee. I never figured out WHY on earth she'd chose that, because he didn't get to use his grandpa name long before I went no contact. I never referred to the man as "big" anything, but called him the same thing I had for years since I'd met him at 9 and he told me to call him by his first name.
So, there we have a glimpse into Susan and her feelings on her husband and his giant aura of sex appeal. Apparently the man does nothing but shit, sleep, and fuck if one was to listen to my mom.
Susan Thinks Everyday is "Bring Your Spouse to Work Day"
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
Susan spent the majority of my childhood harping that women don't need a man. Anything a man can do, a woman can do, but better. She did EVERYTHING and never needed a man's help. She enjoyed telling us all the things she did by herself because my dad wouldn't (For instance, building a porch on their mobile home when I was about 4. She said she harped on him for days before she just went and got the stuff and did it herself. My dad does the same trade my husband does, and in their line of work there are "shutdowns" that you work 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day for weeks at a time. Dad was on a shutdown, and working nights. So she expected him to build the porch in between 12 hour shifts. Cause, you know, sleep isn't all important.) But when she married her current husband (they've been married and divorced multiple times) she turned into a heap of whiny "i can't do anything without stepdad up my ass". Imagine how confusing that was for us? Especially after the lectures she'd forced down our throats.
Anyway, about a month before the cut off, this text exchange happened. I only had one child at the time, a 1.5 year old, and I was married to a husband that got up and went to work at 5:30 am. All typos, grammar mistakes, and misspellings are Susan's.
Susan, at 11:38pm, "are you and dd awake?"
Susan, at 11:49pm, "are you and dd awake?"
"I made it to get out of house and I'm just riding around I was seeing if you was awake so I can stop by and get a hug from my grandbaby."
"Guess not maybe I'll see you soon have a good night bye."
"I don't see why you can't answer your mom. The one who'd drop everything if you needed me and let you have years of sleepovers and took you to dance, but you can't answer me?"
Me- "Hey sorry, my phone was in another room I was doing some some stuff and just got in the bed. I wish I would have seen sooner."
Susan: "No big deal I'm heading back to the house i just need to get out and do some thinking. It's just stuff it Stepdad work.Its okay far the chief to live on campus and go home to eat in this okay for the chief son to work for him and go home and eat but yet it not okay for me to go and visit him at the office while he eats for a minute while before I walk they're saying I'm indering his work they don't want him standing by me at football games and basketball games either and that's ridiculous."
Me. "ohhh. I don't understand, though. I don't guess. I thought about it and I think that's normal. Most jobs won't let anybody visit or anything. That's pretty normal, right?"
Susan, "They have spouses working at the same campus but they won't hire me. The Cheif has his son there part time both them get to go to their house and eat with their wives. They stop what they doing to go help their wives unload groceries. Their wives come and go any time they want at any event. But i've stayed away 3 yrs until stepdad had that a fair (affair?) with (some woman's name that is HORRIBLY butchered, think Baith instead of Beth) and she's complained Stepdad won't come to the grill or cafeteria where she works now and then there wasn't a problem now she's complianing he won't come at her becken call she tells (random name) i'm there all the time and she told the chief it's interfering with his job. I go walking there i stopped to visit a few minutes a day at the office. I stood or sat around where he's been stationed all 3 years for football games while he's standing the whole time and most the time talking to other people NOT ME. The chief saw me looking around the last game and told stepdad it wasn't right i'm looking for him. I wasn't looking for stepdad I COULD SEE HIM i was looking for (MY friend's name which I was like what the hell). They was there and left. The other employees wives was at the same game. sinr even had kids running close to the field during a game and that's a big rule breaker. (City police chief, different job, the one she's talking about giving a double standard is campus police) doesn't mind that I park and ride around with stepdad on his shifts (graveyard shift)... I got tired of trying to hide my car, so he told me I could ride instead of following stepdad everywhere and wasting my gas!"
Me, "Oh, well, I don't know about all that, Mom. But I do know that the whole no spouses at work is kinda normal. Even though the boss breaks them, they're the boss. It's been like that at every place I've ever worked. What's the deal with wanting to be with stepdad all the time? Growing up you always told me you didn't need a man to get what you needed done, etc. Now you told me a few months ago you don't go to Walmart without him, you're always taking him foot (20 miles away) or going to the college where he's at... Following his patrol car around when he's working regular patrol... What's changed?"
Susan, "That girl is the reason they trying to keep me from going arund the college. I emailed her bosses and told them the isuse, even the one at the superintedent's office at (high school?) and told hikm she's the one who used to change your phone numbers and addresses in the school system. (Again WHAT? This girl didn't work at the school when I was there, she's only 2 years ish older than me) Its mainly to walk. SOme times he rides his bike and can't take his food so when i go walk i take a drink and supper. That girl just thinks if I'm forbidden to come he'll start talking to her again. That's not happening. As far as going to walmart, I got tired of not getting what stepdad likes so i make him go so he'll get what he wants to eat and i have panic attacks if I don't know where he is when he's off. as far as that girl, I made a complain on her for stalking and harrassing Stepdad. She wanted to get him either back with her (She's married. After the cut off I asked her, heyy did you get with my stepdad? And she was like, heck no. No way! Never even looked at him that way!) or get him in trouble and tired keeping me out of her way. I was going to the staff fitness center. Stepdad would go with me to work his knee she came in twice she locked herself out the grill and needed she said my husband to come let her back in. He called the other officer and had them do it. Now I"m not allowed to go to the fitness center because i told her to stop being a whore. But the other stafflet their teens and friends use it but i can't. Its all double standards."
"The main issue is, the other staff are allowed to have family and friends come visit but stepdad is the only one being told I can't. Where is that normal? why is it okay for everyone else but not him?"
Me, "Well mom, probably because everyone else doesn't have a wife saying they screwed around with another staff member, then bring their wife back in the picture (oh yes they were DIVORCED when the 'affair' supposedly happened), and have the other staff member start complaining.... It's as much of Stepdad's fault as hers, he knows better than screwing people from work. It's to keep a stink down, that's why they're telling you to say away. I can see that definitely. Just enjoy your time to yourself. I enjoy time away from DH every now and then."
Susan "I'm not causing problems! I'm not trying to start fights with the slut. I am just walking and now and then used the fitness. And took him something to eat so he doesn't have to go where shes at ato keep a stink down. And sometimes we'd ride in the campus car but that's it. As far as games he has stood i the same spot for 3 years. The others told me to come, their wives do but they all kelp on so i've went, but i don't want to sit with people i don't know so i stand by stepdad. This Thursdya is a game and the chief said i couldn't go. Ah hello it's a public event the other wives go so I can promise you I will be there come hell or high water. I hope he does get fired.I've been telling him to find somewhere else to work where there wasn't sluts and he won't. it's an easy job. I'll be my happy ass up there every day. You know how I am. I do not believe in double standars and if its okay for the other staff then by golly i'm not staying away. I drove around 2 hours tonight thinking if i was or wasn't doing the bright thing. I decided i'm not doing a damn thing wrong. he can get another job if fired. so I'm hoping he does. Yeah we are flat out broke with only 300 in the bank and had to stop paying some things to keep the lights on but like i said he can get more or much money elsewhere he just hates changes! As for me needing him, yes I need him, I don't have a job! If you'd just go back to work, I would keep DD and use that money to pay bills... And then I wouldn't have to worry about all this! I'd just leave him, for good this time..."
I just ended the conversation with an "okay, mom."
I really didn't know what to say. I just thought on it for a bit, and wondered "is this normal? maybe it's me that's just sensitive."
And yes, stepdad did get removed from that job. I'm not sure of the real reason but have been told by several people (again small town community college) that Susan went in the office of the woman she kept calling a slut and basically lit into her, eventually pulled her out of her seat by her hair. I'm inclined to believe this is true. Of course charges are never put on her, so she gets her way, once again.
Susan spent the majority of my childhood harping that women don't need a man. Anything a man can do, a woman can do, but better. She did EVERYTHING and never needed a man's help. She enjoyed telling us all the things she did by herself because my dad wouldn't (For instance, building a porch on their mobile home when I was about 4. She said she harped on him for days before she just went and got the stuff and did it herself. My dad does the same trade my husband does, and in their line of work there are "shutdowns" that you work 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day for weeks at a time. Dad was on a shutdown, and working nights. So she expected him to build the porch in between 12 hour shifts. Cause, you know, sleep isn't all important.) But when she married her current husband (they've been married and divorced multiple times) she turned into a heap of whiny "i can't do anything without stepdad up my ass". Imagine how confusing that was for us? Especially after the lectures she'd forced down our throats.
Anyway, about a month before the cut off, this text exchange happened. I only had one child at the time, a 1.5 year old, and I was married to a husband that got up and went to work at 5:30 am. All typos, grammar mistakes, and misspellings are Susan's.
Susan, at 11:38pm, "are you and dd awake?"
Susan, at 11:49pm, "are you and dd awake?"
"I made it to get out of house and I'm just riding around I was seeing if you was awake so I can stop by and get a hug from my grandbaby."
"Guess not maybe I'll see you soon have a good night bye."
"I don't see why you can't answer your mom. The one who'd drop everything if you needed me and let you have years of sleepovers and took you to dance, but you can't answer me?"
Me- "Hey sorry, my phone was in another room I was doing some some stuff and just got in the bed. I wish I would have seen sooner."
Susan: "No big deal I'm heading back to the house i just need to get out and do some thinking. It's just stuff it Stepdad work.Its okay far the chief to live on campus and go home to eat in this okay for the chief son to work for him and go home and eat but yet it not okay for me to go and visit him at the office while he eats for a minute while before I walk they're saying I'm indering his work they don't want him standing by me at football games and basketball games either and that's ridiculous."
Me. "ohhh. I don't understand, though. I don't guess. I thought about it and I think that's normal. Most jobs won't let anybody visit or anything. That's pretty normal, right?"
Susan, "They have spouses working at the same campus but they won't hire me. The Cheif has his son there part time both them get to go to their house and eat with their wives. They stop what they doing to go help their wives unload groceries. Their wives come and go any time they want at any event. But i've stayed away 3 yrs until stepdad had that a fair (affair?) with (some woman's name that is HORRIBLY butchered, think Baith instead of Beth) and she's complained Stepdad won't come to the grill or cafeteria where she works now and then there wasn't a problem now she's complianing he won't come at her becken call she tells (random name) i'm there all the time and she told the chief it's interfering with his job. I go walking there i stopped to visit a few minutes a day at the office. I stood or sat around where he's been stationed all 3 years for football games while he's standing the whole time and most the time talking to other people NOT ME. The chief saw me looking around the last game and told stepdad it wasn't right i'm looking for him. I wasn't looking for stepdad I COULD SEE HIM i was looking for (MY friend's name which I was like what the hell). They was there and left. The other employees wives was at the same game. sinr even had kids running close to the field during a game and that's a big rule breaker. (City police chief, different job, the one she's talking about giving a double standard is campus police) doesn't mind that I park and ride around with stepdad on his shifts (graveyard shift)... I got tired of trying to hide my car, so he told me I could ride instead of following stepdad everywhere and wasting my gas!"
Me, "Oh, well, I don't know about all that, Mom. But I do know that the whole no spouses at work is kinda normal. Even though the boss breaks them, they're the boss. It's been like that at every place I've ever worked. What's the deal with wanting to be with stepdad all the time? Growing up you always told me you didn't need a man to get what you needed done, etc. Now you told me a few months ago you don't go to Walmart without him, you're always taking him foot (20 miles away) or going to the college where he's at... Following his patrol car around when he's working regular patrol... What's changed?"
Susan, "That girl is the reason they trying to keep me from going arund the college. I emailed her bosses and told them the isuse, even the one at the superintedent's office at (high school?) and told hikm she's the one who used to change your phone numbers and addresses in the school system. (Again WHAT? This girl didn't work at the school when I was there, she's only 2 years ish older than me) Its mainly to walk. SOme times he rides his bike and can't take his food so when i go walk i take a drink and supper. That girl just thinks if I'm forbidden to come he'll start talking to her again. That's not happening. As far as going to walmart, I got tired of not getting what stepdad likes so i make him go so he'll get what he wants to eat and i have panic attacks if I don't know where he is when he's off. as far as that girl, I made a complain on her for stalking and harrassing Stepdad. She wanted to get him either back with her (She's married. After the cut off I asked her, heyy did you get with my stepdad? And she was like, heck no. No way! Never even looked at him that way!) or get him in trouble and tired keeping me out of her way. I was going to the staff fitness center. Stepdad would go with me to work his knee she came in twice she locked herself out the grill and needed she said my husband to come let her back in. He called the other officer and had them do it. Now I"m not allowed to go to the fitness center because i told her to stop being a whore. But the other stafflet their teens and friends use it but i can't. Its all double standards."
"The main issue is, the other staff are allowed to have family and friends come visit but stepdad is the only one being told I can't. Where is that normal? why is it okay for everyone else but not him?"
Me, "Well mom, probably because everyone else doesn't have a wife saying they screwed around with another staff member, then bring their wife back in the picture (oh yes they were DIVORCED when the 'affair' supposedly happened), and have the other staff member start complaining.... It's as much of Stepdad's fault as hers, he knows better than screwing people from work. It's to keep a stink down, that's why they're telling you to say away. I can see that definitely. Just enjoy your time to yourself. I enjoy time away from DH every now and then."
Susan "I'm not causing problems! I'm not trying to start fights with the slut. I am just walking and now and then used the fitness. And took him something to eat so he doesn't have to go where shes at ato keep a stink down. And sometimes we'd ride in the campus car but that's it. As far as games he has stood i the same spot for 3 years. The others told me to come, their wives do but they all kelp on so i've went, but i don't want to sit with people i don't know so i stand by stepdad. This Thursdya is a game and the chief said i couldn't go. Ah hello it's a public event the other wives go so I can promise you I will be there come hell or high water. I hope he does get fired.I've been telling him to find somewhere else to work where there wasn't sluts and he won't. it's an easy job. I'll be my happy ass up there every day. You know how I am. I do not believe in double standars and if its okay for the other staff then by golly i'm not staying away. I drove around 2 hours tonight thinking if i was or wasn't doing the bright thing. I decided i'm not doing a damn thing wrong. he can get another job if fired. so I'm hoping he does. Yeah we are flat out broke with only 300 in the bank and had to stop paying some things to keep the lights on but like i said he can get more or much money elsewhere he just hates changes! As for me needing him, yes I need him, I don't have a job! If you'd just go back to work, I would keep DD and use that money to pay bills... And then I wouldn't have to worry about all this! I'd just leave him, for good this time..."
I just ended the conversation with an "okay, mom."
I really didn't know what to say. I just thought on it for a bit, and wondered "is this normal? maybe it's me that's just sensitive."
And yes, stepdad did get removed from that job. I'm not sure of the real reason but have been told by several people (again small town community college) that Susan went in the office of the woman she kept calling a slut and basically lit into her, eventually pulled her out of her seat by her hair. I'm inclined to believe this is true. Of course charges are never put on her, so she gets her way, once again.
I cause Susan and a Whole Slew of Family Members to Need Colonoscopies and to Go Blind In Their Left Eye.
Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
Susan is always sick and and dying. ALWAYS. Or somebody else is, but she forgets what she says and some folks have had identical, overlapping illnesses. I'm very close with my dad (they've been divorced for years) and he gets texts from her every now and again, but hasn't replied to her since 2012. Just laughs and moves on.
May 2016, he got texts from her telling him that "Ya'll need to get together and have OP mentally evaluated. BROTHER is upset because she got on his phone snooping and saw where he sent me a picture of MY grandbaby on her birthday and now tells him he's not allowed to see DD. (Dad) something is seriously wrong with her. I can't have anything to do with DD because I stand up to her. She's a bully and using that baby to get her way is as wrong as keeping her from me. Yall only hear her side of thing and that's ok but don't let her treat BROTHER that way make her let him see the baby. He is very upset to the point of hyperventilating. I am past her belittling me but I refuse to stand back and let her hurt BROTHER. he has never hurt her. he loves that baby and she is starting to show signs of being mentally unfit to raise babies. I am not the only one noticing it."
Two days before Mother's day, he informs me that (we're next door neighbors) he ignored 3 calls in a row from her (he was sick) and the next thing he knew, his doorbell was ringing. He said he opened the door and she started in on her rampage, with tears and all, claiming "she had been scheduled a colonoscopy, she wanted to make things right with OP before she got the 'bad news of colon cancer', her sister/niece weren't talking when the two of them passed and she didn't want to be like that, blah blah." Then she told him to call me for her, and tell me to come "home" (I was out of town, but obviously my car wasn't home) so she could see her grandbaby.
First of all, NO. I'm not 15. She's always had to have me under her thumb. I was most amused at the 'call her and tell her to come home' and I was 25 years old. It was an old manipulation tactic she'd pull after I moved out from her house at 14, but in with my dad, she'd show up at his house on my days of importance (homecoming, prom, cheer tryouts) and tell him to make me come HOME over some stupid little excuse for her to bitch at me. I told DH I'm having flashbacks and they're not good flashbacks, either.
Second, she has divorced/separated/reconciled with her current husband 3-4 times in the past 10 years, and the last time she "took him back" it was because he had a "colonoscopy and she thought he had colon cancer". SO the common "diagnosis" there makes me go hmph.
Then, about a week later she's going to tell me she went to the eye doctor and they told her she was "going blind in her left eye" and she wanted to see the kids before she couldn't see anymore. Ignored. This might have been believable if I hadn't been just declared legally blind in my left eye (And she had access to that info because I was still hostage on her insurance back then).
7 weeks later (there was a lot of in between contact from her), she messages me, "I know you don't want to hear from me but I want you to know Grandma is goign blind in her left eye. And was hoping you would think about letting her "see" the babies b4 she can't see them at all. Just think about it. I will stay away."
Turns out poor grandma wasn't too terribly blind because within a week I received this letter from her. (They bitch CONSTANTLY to everybody that I'm a mean heathen who doesn't believe in God so it's their lot in life to save my children.) GM is a good flying monkey, apparently.
"My Dear Op,
I pray that you and the babies are well (no mention of my husband, the kids' dad). I also pray Lord please open OP's heart and let your love and the love of her family flow in. That we may all have peace, love and joy. Thanks your father, in the name of Jesus Amen.
Baby we love you and miss you and the babies. PLease don't let hate and pride destroy our family. We are not promised tomorrow! SO forgive so our father in heaven can forgive us.
Your mom loves you and prays day in and out that you will come to her. She has a lot of heatlh problems, she don't want ya'll to know. The dr said all from depression. So I am begging you, please let her in your life. Your Mom gave you such a good life. Think of all the parties and sleepovers and friends you had over. I have never in my life seen somebody as excited to be a grandmother as your mom. She loves those babies as much as you do, it's unbelievable.
I love you, Grandma.
I Hope you have a merry "CHRIST"mas and a blessed New Year."
So, to sum things up, my hate and pride, you know, from hating being abused; and pride that my children were too good to be abused; caused my mother depression, which caused her to be scheduled a colonoscopy, which is not at all a normal procedure at all for a 55 year old woman, so that probably means my hatred has caused her to get colon cancer, because that's the only way you get scheduled a colonoscopy (just like my same hate had caused my stepdad to have to go through a colonoscopy the year before at 55, as well. Damn. That's some strong stuff). That same hate and pride caused the depression which apparently is responsible for the entirety of my maternal side of the family to "go blind in their left eyes" months apart.
Of course, it would never be a true Susan story without a REAL Susan letter. Received a whopping 2 weeks later. (Her surgery, confirmed,-a tummy tuck.) My thoughts will be in (parenthesis).
"In case you care I had abominable (like the snowman? What?) surgery this week. Its sickening that my grown daughter will not grow up and be a adult and take care of her duties as a grown daughter is supposed to do. Grandma is 79 and has been cooking supper (why? You don't cook worth a fuck and you send me weekly letters bitching saying I don't cook, so what does it matter if grandma is cooking?). Stepdad only gets 2 days off and works 50 hours a week and he's cut grass (on a riding lawnmower) and did laundry (that's WOMAN'S WORK! The horror!) and had to sweet and mop (more woman's work. He's probably growing a vagina now, from all that woman's work!) on his days off instead of relaxing as he should BECAUSE HE WORKS HARD (he's a cop 40 hours and campus police 10 hours. All that hard work riding around in a cop car surely must take it out of him..). Its a shame that the one whos responsibility it is YOU! refuses to grow up and act like an adult. I let you have your fun as a kid. All the dance the sleepvers and the friends! Your lazy husband (Who averages 80-110 hours a week doing a highly specialized field of manual labor) can watch those kids or bring them to me (but you just had 'snowman surgery, why would you want those kids?) while you do what your meant to do (what i'm meant to do? You bitch WEEKLY that I don't cook and clean my own house but you want me to come do your shit, okay...). When are you going to wake up and realise that the world does not revolve around OP? (And that it in fact revolves around me, TP-Patrol!) That you are nowhere near important and nothers need to come first? (how dare you think you're needed! Let me make sure you know you're not important or needed, you just owe it to me). I pray you grow up one day and become the person I TRIED TO RAISE YOU TO BE. (A fucking doormat.)
Love you,
Your Mom."
So, yeah. I'm a big asshole that causes my mom to have fake cancer and blindness often due to depression, and apparently it's contagious depression because my grandmother and stepdad suffer the same ailments often enough when she forgets what story she's tried to feed me.
Susan is always sick and and dying. ALWAYS. Or somebody else is, but she forgets what she says and some folks have had identical, overlapping illnesses. I'm very close with my dad (they've been divorced for years) and he gets texts from her every now and again, but hasn't replied to her since 2012. Just laughs and moves on.
May 2016, he got texts from her telling him that "Ya'll need to get together and have OP mentally evaluated. BROTHER is upset because she got on his phone snooping and saw where he sent me a picture of MY grandbaby on her birthday and now tells him he's not allowed to see DD. (Dad) something is seriously wrong with her. I can't have anything to do with DD because I stand up to her. She's a bully and using that baby to get her way is as wrong as keeping her from me. Yall only hear her side of thing and that's ok but don't let her treat BROTHER that way make her let him see the baby. He is very upset to the point of hyperventilating. I am past her belittling me but I refuse to stand back and let her hurt BROTHER. he has never hurt her. he loves that baby and she is starting to show signs of being mentally unfit to raise babies. I am not the only one noticing it."
Two days before Mother's day, he informs me that (we're next door neighbors) he ignored 3 calls in a row from her (he was sick) and the next thing he knew, his doorbell was ringing. He said he opened the door and she started in on her rampage, with tears and all, claiming "she had been scheduled a colonoscopy, she wanted to make things right with OP before she got the 'bad news of colon cancer', her sister/niece weren't talking when the two of them passed and she didn't want to be like that, blah blah." Then she told him to call me for her, and tell me to come "home" (I was out of town, but obviously my car wasn't home) so she could see her grandbaby.
First of all, NO. I'm not 15. She's always had to have me under her thumb. I was most amused at the 'call her and tell her to come home' and I was 25 years old. It was an old manipulation tactic she'd pull after I moved out from her house at 14, but in with my dad, she'd show up at his house on my days of importance (homecoming, prom, cheer tryouts) and tell him to make me come HOME over some stupid little excuse for her to bitch at me. I told DH I'm having flashbacks and they're not good flashbacks, either.
Second, she has divorced/separated/reconciled with her current husband 3-4 times in the past 10 years, and the last time she "took him back" it was because he had a "colonoscopy and she thought he had colon cancer". SO the common "diagnosis" there makes me go hmph.
Then, about a week later she's going to tell me she went to the eye doctor and they told her she was "going blind in her left eye" and she wanted to see the kids before she couldn't see anymore. Ignored. This might have been believable if I hadn't been just declared legally blind in my left eye (And she had access to that info because I was still hostage on her insurance back then).
7 weeks later (there was a lot of in between contact from her), she messages me, "I know you don't want to hear from me but I want you to know Grandma is goign blind in her left eye. And was hoping you would think about letting her "see" the babies b4 she can't see them at all. Just think about it. I will stay away."
Turns out poor grandma wasn't too terribly blind because within a week I received this letter from her. (They bitch CONSTANTLY to everybody that I'm a mean heathen who doesn't believe in God so it's their lot in life to save my children.) GM is a good flying monkey, apparently.
"My Dear Op,
I pray that you and the babies are well (no mention of my husband, the kids' dad). I also pray Lord please open OP's heart and let your love and the love of her family flow in. That we may all have peace, love and joy. Thanks your father, in the name of Jesus Amen.
Baby we love you and miss you and the babies. PLease don't let hate and pride destroy our family. We are not promised tomorrow! SO forgive so our father in heaven can forgive us.
Your mom loves you and prays day in and out that you will come to her. She has a lot of heatlh problems, she don't want ya'll to know. The dr said all from depression. So I am begging you, please let her in your life. Your Mom gave you such a good life. Think of all the parties and sleepovers and friends you had over. I have never in my life seen somebody as excited to be a grandmother as your mom. She loves those babies as much as you do, it's unbelievable.
I love you, Grandma.
I Hope you have a merry "CHRIST"mas and a blessed New Year."
So, to sum things up, my hate and pride, you know, from hating being abused; and pride that my children were too good to be abused; caused my mother depression, which caused her to be scheduled a colonoscopy, which is not at all a normal procedure at all for a 55 year old woman, so that probably means my hatred has caused her to get colon cancer, because that's the only way you get scheduled a colonoscopy (just like my same hate had caused my stepdad to have to go through a colonoscopy the year before at 55, as well. Damn. That's some strong stuff). That same hate and pride caused the depression which apparently is responsible for the entirety of my maternal side of the family to "go blind in their left eyes" months apart.
Of course, it would never be a true Susan story without a REAL Susan letter. Received a whopping 2 weeks later. (Her surgery, confirmed,-a tummy tuck.) My thoughts will be in (parenthesis).
"In case you care I had abominable (like the snowman? What?) surgery this week. Its sickening that my grown daughter will not grow up and be a adult and take care of her duties as a grown daughter is supposed to do. Grandma is 79 and has been cooking supper (why? You don't cook worth a fuck and you send me weekly letters bitching saying I don't cook, so what does it matter if grandma is cooking?). Stepdad only gets 2 days off and works 50 hours a week and he's cut grass (on a riding lawnmower) and did laundry (that's WOMAN'S WORK! The horror!) and had to sweet and mop (more woman's work. He's probably growing a vagina now, from all that woman's work!) on his days off instead of relaxing as he should BECAUSE HE WORKS HARD (he's a cop 40 hours and campus police 10 hours. All that hard work riding around in a cop car surely must take it out of him..). Its a shame that the one whos responsibility it is YOU! refuses to grow up and act like an adult. I let you have your fun as a kid. All the dance the sleepvers and the friends! Your lazy husband (Who averages 80-110 hours a week doing a highly specialized field of manual labor) can watch those kids or bring them to me (but you just had 'snowman surgery, why would you want those kids?) while you do what your meant to do (what i'm meant to do? You bitch WEEKLY that I don't cook and clean my own house but you want me to come do your shit, okay...). When are you going to wake up and realise that the world does not revolve around OP? (And that it in fact revolves around me, TP-Patrol!) That you are nowhere near important and nothers need to come first? (how dare you think you're needed! Let me make sure you know you're not important or needed, you just owe it to me). I pray you grow up one day and become the person I TRIED TO RAISE YOU TO BE. (A fucking doormat.)
Love you,
Your Mom."
So, yeah. I'm a big asshole that causes my mom to have fake cancer and blindness often due to depression, and apparently it's contagious depression because my grandmother and stepdad suffer the same ailments often enough when she forgets what story she's tried to feed me.
Susan and ALL the Forbidden Things.
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
Susan is rather outspoken about money, whether it is hers or yours, she doesn't care. She needs to control it at all times. My parents divorced when I was 9 and my brother 7. My dad paid $600 a month in child support, $500 in alimony, paid her car note, paid our private school tuition, sent $50 a week for lunches and snacks, paid for every dime of our extracurriculars including the uniforms and practice clothes, if we got a toy or a book or whatever, my dad and my aunt bought it. Period. I cannot recall Susan ever even buying me a pack of pads without telling me to either ask my dad for money or immediately calling him and saying he needed to send $$$ immediately. Susan wasn't hurting for money, since she was getting over $1k in support plus her car note and never had to pay a dime for her kids to have anything. But, you wouldn't dare ask for $2 for a Gatorade after school for your sport because it was a waste of money and she was BROKE (she wouldn't be broke if she didn't use her child support to pay her boyfriend's child support for HIS kids).
With that being said, Susan still didn't approve of money being spent on us kids unless she approved it. Underwear was only to be bought 1 time a year, before school started, and if she caught wind of you buying any (usually when with my dad/aunt) she'd immediately throw them out. Even if it was the approved by her time to buy underwear, if you got black panties or a black bra (black panties are the shit. I have PCOS and endometriosis, so they're magical), they were getting thrown out because black was "too sexy". Um, okay? Even as an adult, she'd throw a fit when she'd come over and I was folding clothes, because I have too many pairs of panties and it's NOT RIGHT, let's throw away these and these.
Susan also didn't approve of Pajamas. She hated them. Susan approved sleepwear was a t-shirt and underwear. Pajamas were a Waste of Money (yes, the caps ARE necessary). Why did you need clothes you could only sleep in? Who was going to see you when you sleep? (Because clothes weren't comforting for her, they were about who could see them, period.) If I dared bring home a pair of pajamas after visiting my aunt and dad, they'd go straight to the garbage.
I was also constantly told I have NO TASTE in clothes, that I was going to be "picked on" and I shouldn't be wearing this or that because I was too fat, but she'd never tell me what SHE wanted me to buy, nor would she go school shopping with me, because then what would she have to bitch about?
Let's see. I wasn't allowed stuffed animals ever, and if I did get one in the trash it went, because they "gave her allergies and upset my brother's asthma". Throw blankets weren't allowed, because if you wanted to be covered up you should go to bed. More than 2 pillows was a no no and the extras were getting thrown away because "that's stupid!" Body washes were a no no, because they can cause your eggs to die from an infection? But girls didn't use irish spring bars like she bought for my brother, so i was supposed to just use only water on everything. Never taught me about deodorant until one day my cousin, who I looked up to, was like, I think it's time for you to switch Deodorants, girl, and my mother announced "she's nasty and doesn't even wear any!" I was 12. No white colored ANYTHING because she didn't believe in bleach and white got "nasty".
Nicer shampoos and conditioners? (Which back then we're talking pantene, not anything spectacular.) Nope, and if I brought them home she'd throw them in the garbage as a waste of money. She only bought the .88 cent Suave stuff and that's what we were allowed to have. Tshirts from sports/dance/school fundraising? nope, you don't need that, it's a waste! Tshirts make you look huge!
Breakfast wasn't a thing. Breakfast was a meal made up by food companies to make you spend money. You really only need one good meal a day. Her suppers, every single night, were hamburger helper, which I don't eat because of a texture issue, or she'd dump a bag of fries on a tray and a pack of hamburger patties on a tray, cover it in Worcestershire sauce, and stick it all in the oven. She was a horrible cook and couldn't make much and definitely wasn't about to start trying. It would be world war 3 if Susan found out we'd ate breakfast, EVEN if we weren't had her house.
Susan didn't brush our teeth or buy us tooth brushes. Never taught us any of that, until it was time to go to the dentist for the first time when I was 8, and she told the dentist she told us to brush but we refused. Then as we got older, she enjoyed screaming at us that we were "nasty" if we had cavities and stuff, and would only let us use the free toothbrushes after that-if we bought other ones or a different toothpaste, trashed. Immediately.
Her quirks (and I'm sure there is more) have definitely influenced me today. I buy panties often, and I LOVE black undies. I currently own a few dozen pairs of pajamas, because I like pajamas. I use expensive ish shampoo that would make her scream. I own several different flavors of body washes. My kids have stuffed animals out the whazoo. I have six pillows on my side of the best and a blanket ladder in my living room full of throws. (and many, many other things she'd disapprove of! I'm sure you've read we've decided to forgo college funds for the kids in order to buy my expensive TP, no?)
In other words, she'd have a coronary on how I am doing things and would probably say i was doing it to be disrespectful. What a lovely thing it is that she's cut off.
Susan is rather outspoken about money, whether it is hers or yours, she doesn't care. She needs to control it at all times. My parents divorced when I was 9 and my brother 7. My dad paid $600 a month in child support, $500 in alimony, paid her car note, paid our private school tuition, sent $50 a week for lunches and snacks, paid for every dime of our extracurriculars including the uniforms and practice clothes, if we got a toy or a book or whatever, my dad and my aunt bought it. Period. I cannot recall Susan ever even buying me a pack of pads without telling me to either ask my dad for money or immediately calling him and saying he needed to send $$$ immediately. Susan wasn't hurting for money, since she was getting over $1k in support plus her car note and never had to pay a dime for her kids to have anything. But, you wouldn't dare ask for $2 for a Gatorade after school for your sport because it was a waste of money and she was BROKE (she wouldn't be broke if she didn't use her child support to pay her boyfriend's child support for HIS kids).
With that being said, Susan still didn't approve of money being spent on us kids unless she approved it. Underwear was only to be bought 1 time a year, before school started, and if she caught wind of you buying any (usually when with my dad/aunt) she'd immediately throw them out. Even if it was the approved by her time to buy underwear, if you got black panties or a black bra (black panties are the shit. I have PCOS and endometriosis, so they're magical), they were getting thrown out because black was "too sexy". Um, okay? Even as an adult, she'd throw a fit when she'd come over and I was folding clothes, because I have too many pairs of panties and it's NOT RIGHT, let's throw away these and these.
Susan also didn't approve of Pajamas. She hated them. Susan approved sleepwear was a t-shirt and underwear. Pajamas were a Waste of Money (yes, the caps ARE necessary). Why did you need clothes you could only sleep in? Who was going to see you when you sleep? (Because clothes weren't comforting for her, they were about who could see them, period.) If I dared bring home a pair of pajamas after visiting my aunt and dad, they'd go straight to the garbage.
I was also constantly told I have NO TASTE in clothes, that I was going to be "picked on" and I shouldn't be wearing this or that because I was too fat, but she'd never tell me what SHE wanted me to buy, nor would she go school shopping with me, because then what would she have to bitch about?
Let's see. I wasn't allowed stuffed animals ever, and if I did get one in the trash it went, because they "gave her allergies and upset my brother's asthma". Throw blankets weren't allowed, because if you wanted to be covered up you should go to bed. More than 2 pillows was a no no and the extras were getting thrown away because "that's stupid!" Body washes were a no no, because they can cause your eggs to die from an infection? But girls didn't use irish spring bars like she bought for my brother, so i was supposed to just use only water on everything. Never taught me about deodorant until one day my cousin, who I looked up to, was like, I think it's time for you to switch Deodorants, girl, and my mother announced "she's nasty and doesn't even wear any!" I was 12. No white colored ANYTHING because she didn't believe in bleach and white got "nasty".
Nicer shampoos and conditioners? (Which back then we're talking pantene, not anything spectacular.) Nope, and if I brought them home she'd throw them in the garbage as a waste of money. She only bought the .88 cent Suave stuff and that's what we were allowed to have. Tshirts from sports/dance/school fundraising? nope, you don't need that, it's a waste! Tshirts make you look huge!
Breakfast wasn't a thing. Breakfast was a meal made up by food companies to make you spend money. You really only need one good meal a day. Her suppers, every single night, were hamburger helper, which I don't eat because of a texture issue, or she'd dump a bag of fries on a tray and a pack of hamburger patties on a tray, cover it in Worcestershire sauce, and stick it all in the oven. She was a horrible cook and couldn't make much and definitely wasn't about to start trying. It would be world war 3 if Susan found out we'd ate breakfast, EVEN if we weren't had her house.
Susan didn't brush our teeth or buy us tooth brushes. Never taught us any of that, until it was time to go to the dentist for the first time when I was 8, and she told the dentist she told us to brush but we refused. Then as we got older, she enjoyed screaming at us that we were "nasty" if we had cavities and stuff, and would only let us use the free toothbrushes after that-if we bought other ones or a different toothpaste, trashed. Immediately.
Her quirks (and I'm sure there is more) have definitely influenced me today. I buy panties often, and I LOVE black undies. I currently own a few dozen pairs of pajamas, because I like pajamas. I use expensive ish shampoo that would make her scream. I own several different flavors of body washes. My kids have stuffed animals out the whazoo. I have six pillows on my side of the best and a blanket ladder in my living room full of throws. (and many, many other things she'd disapprove of! I'm sure you've read we've decided to forgo college funds for the kids in order to buy my expensive TP, no?)
In other words, she'd have a coronary on how I am doing things and would probably say i was doing it to be disrespectful. What a lovely thing it is that she's cut off.
Susan Wants Me Alone at All Times
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
As most know by now, Susan is my batshit mother. She has strong connections in the legal system within our county back home, and really, the entire state. With that being said, she practically gets away with murder because everybody respects her police officer husband.
When I approached preteen years, Susan made it her goal in life to isolate me, and make sure I was alone. She couldn't stand the fact that I didn't come to her for comfort, or as a friend, so her solution was to separate me from anyone who wasn't her.
For instance, as a preteen she'd pull me away from the "sleepovers" she blathers on and on about and demand I leave my friends and do a random chore, or go wash my hair IMMEDIATELY and then sit for an hour and a half to let her blow dry it (when I usually air dried).
Then of course, there was the "bogus house arrest" bullshit at 14, which pretty much guaranteed I spent a lot of time alone in my room, crying. Because if I wasn't going to be with her, she sure as shit wasn't going to let me enjoy life.
Another time, I broke up with my boyfriend at 17. I went to my aunt (her sister's) house and was with my cousin, who was a best friend of mine. My aunt messaged my mom to let her know I was there and upset and to ask for my dad's number because she wanted me to stay the night. My mother lost her shit. She told me to come to her house right now. Of course that's a big fat NO from me. Then she called my dad and screamed at him to tell him if I didn't go to her house I needed to get my fat ass home. Then she sent two of her police buddies to "escort me" home to make sure I went home, ALONE.
After I divorced my first husband I'd put her in a time out so her absolute favorite game was to go down to the sheriff's department, file a false charge (for instance, she said I stole my grandmother's checkbook), they'd come arrest me, I'd sit there for 48 hours (the longest they can hold without bail) and magically at 47 hours, the charge would be dropped. She also let it be known to the jailers (still friends of her husband's) that I wasn't to go to population, they ALWAYS put me in holding cells and everybody who came in after me went to population. It was some of the darkest times of my life, being alone with no communication, no way of knowing what was going on, nobody to even speak to except the jailers who'd bring foot around 3 times a day and tell me that I needed to get over my fit and let my sweet mama back in my life.
After I had my first child, I spent 3 days in the hospital. From 30 minutes after my operation she launched her tirade, she didn't want my husband staying with me. It was my first child, of course he's staying, it's HIS first child too. No, men don't do that. That's just weird. Your mom is supposed to stay with you. Nope. So then she started pestering nurses to get them to say NOBODY could stay with me, including my husband because if she couldn't, he shouldn't either. I deserved to figure this motherhood thing out by myself since I thought I was such a "high and mighty".
Nowadays, if you read her letters, you can see she is bewildered because she can't figure out how to isolate me. She tells me to start staying at home, stop running the roads, but it absolutely kills her that she has zero control to make me be alone. (And she has a hard time doing fake charges these days because of a new sheriff and I also moved far, far away). Even in her emails that she sends these days, she is sure to let me know that "nobody likes me", I "have no friends that aren't online", and "I'm all alone in life when my aunt and dad die."
I've never really figured out what her goal was by isolating me constantly. Maybe it was a thrill for her. Who knows?
As most know by now, Susan is my batshit mother. She has strong connections in the legal system within our county back home, and really, the entire state. With that being said, she practically gets away with murder because everybody respects her police officer husband.
When I approached preteen years, Susan made it her goal in life to isolate me, and make sure I was alone. She couldn't stand the fact that I didn't come to her for comfort, or as a friend, so her solution was to separate me from anyone who wasn't her.
For instance, as a preteen she'd pull me away from the "sleepovers" she blathers on and on about and demand I leave my friends and do a random chore, or go wash my hair IMMEDIATELY and then sit for an hour and a half to let her blow dry it (when I usually air dried).
Then of course, there was the "bogus house arrest" bullshit at 14, which pretty much guaranteed I spent a lot of time alone in my room, crying. Because if I wasn't going to be with her, she sure as shit wasn't going to let me enjoy life.
Another time, I broke up with my boyfriend at 17. I went to my aunt (her sister's) house and was with my cousin, who was a best friend of mine. My aunt messaged my mom to let her know I was there and upset and to ask for my dad's number because she wanted me to stay the night. My mother lost her shit. She told me to come to her house right now. Of course that's a big fat NO from me. Then she called my dad and screamed at him to tell him if I didn't go to her house I needed to get my fat ass home. Then she sent two of her police buddies to "escort me" home to make sure I went home, ALONE.
After I divorced my first husband I'd put her in a time out so her absolute favorite game was to go down to the sheriff's department, file a false charge (for instance, she said I stole my grandmother's checkbook), they'd come arrest me, I'd sit there for 48 hours (the longest they can hold without bail) and magically at 47 hours, the charge would be dropped. She also let it be known to the jailers (still friends of her husband's) that I wasn't to go to population, they ALWAYS put me in holding cells and everybody who came in after me went to population. It was some of the darkest times of my life, being alone with no communication, no way of knowing what was going on, nobody to even speak to except the jailers who'd bring foot around 3 times a day and tell me that I needed to get over my fit and let my sweet mama back in my life.
After I had my first child, I spent 3 days in the hospital. From 30 minutes after my operation she launched her tirade, she didn't want my husband staying with me. It was my first child, of course he's staying, it's HIS first child too. No, men don't do that. That's just weird. Your mom is supposed to stay with you. Nope. So then she started pestering nurses to get them to say NOBODY could stay with me, including my husband because if she couldn't, he shouldn't either. I deserved to figure this motherhood thing out by myself since I thought I was such a "high and mighty".
Nowadays, if you read her letters, you can see she is bewildered because she can't figure out how to isolate me. She tells me to start staying at home, stop running the roads, but it absolutely kills her that she has zero control to make me be alone. (And she has a hard time doing fake charges these days because of a new sheriff and I also moved far, far away). Even in her emails that she sends these days, she is sure to let me know that "nobody likes me", I "have no friends that aren't online", and "I'm all alone in life when my aunt and dad die."
I've never really figured out what her goal was by isolating me constantly. Maybe it was a thrill for her. Who knows?
Susan and the Sleepovers
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
I've been asked to tell about the significance to Susan and the sleepovers. I honestly don't know, other than she's reaching deep in her book of memories and trying to find something she did that some parents didn't do? I don't know.
I'd have a sleepover a few times a year, with 4-6 (depending on the time) of my very best friends between the ages of 11-14 (when I moved out). I'm not going to lie, they WERE fun. She would take us to TP folks' houses (isn't that ironic), we'd sometimes make virgin margaritas, stuff like that. We'd do hair and makeup and we weren't allowed to use hot tools without her, because dangerous?
I'm still friends with all of those girls (now women, we range from 28-30). We've discussed those sleepovers often-they WERE fun. But also very, very controlled. My dad would have to send money for food/snacks/a movie rental/even the cheap $.88 great value toilet paper. She was basically up our asses constantly. We all had our own phones (back in the day of the Nokia) but if we prank called boys we HAD to tell her and she HAD to be in the room. Don't know why. She yelled a lot, including to my friends. Would tell us our messes must be picked up IMMEDIATELY or it was disrespectful to her, even if we were still participating in said mess. If we went to my room away from her, she'd almost always call to me that I needed to do this chore or that chore. If we went to the mall, or Walmart, or wherever (remember, preteens), she'd pull me aside and constantly fuss that we weren't supposed to be holding hands, or touching, or any of the sort because then people would say we were gay.
But her ABSOLUTE favorite thing in the world was to make me wash my hair. 99.9% of the time, it was a Friday night. Meaning I had absolutely nothing to do on Saturdays besides, be at home. But no. We'd be in the middle of makeup, or a game, or just hanging out and doing what teen girls do and inevitably, Susan would barge in and tell me to go wash my hair NOW, it was oily and made me look like a (racial slur).
I have long, thick hair. SUPER thick. It takes 1.5 hours to try by blow dryer or about 8 air drying. Washing it is an ordeal. Why did I need to leave my friends and my sleepover to go wash my hair RIGHT THAT INSTANT? I don't really know, but it was EVERY. Single. Time. I'd be forced to go freaking wash my hair. Then, even though I NEVER blow dried it, I'd have to go downstairs with HER so she could spend an hour and a half blow drying my hair. EVERY. Single. Time. She loved to isolate me from my friends, even at these sleepovers (there will be more posts about this, but isolating me is her go to, and I'm not sure why.)
Then, 11 would roll around and she'd tell us to go to bed or she was taking everybody home. Because she was tired and couldn't watch us. Remember, 11-14 years old here, security system on the doors. She didn't need to watch us. But she heard us ONE time and took everybody home at 12:30. Because, she needed her sleep. (we were upstairs. She was down.)
I've never really understood her obsession since I grew up about the sleepovers, except to theorize that that's all she has. When I was 14, I moved out (she had me placed under house arrest, which you can read about here.) So the better part of my high school career, she wasn't there. I was a cheerleader at my new school and she only came to one pep rally, no games. I went to only my junior prom, which I got my hair and makeup done professionally because she refused to help "enable me" (I'd invited her to come with me and my aunt-who was paying-to pick out a prom dress. I found one i absolutely LOVED. It was a size too small, but with a corset back put in it was PERFECT. She walked into the dress salon (LATE, by about 45 minutes), saw the dress, saw them pinning the zipper because again, was having a corset put in, and screamed at me that it looked ridiculous and I was trying to be skinny and I wasn't. I was lazy and needed to lose weight, and that dress looked HORRIBLE! And promptly walked back out. So, she refused to help me get ready for prom because she didn't want to enable me thinking I was skinny? She did show up at prom presentation for all of 15 minutes to get pictures to play mom of the year then dipped out. I didn't go to senior prom at all.
She refused to help me pick out my homecoming dress my senior year when I was on the court, because she didn't want to enable that either. She did show up for homecoming court presentation, got her pics, and left (again, i was CHEERING at that same game). Didn't show up for the senior presentation football game, where all the cheerleaders and football players that were seniors went to the field with their parents and got a rose, a balloon to release, and our letterman's jacket. She was too tired and wasn't coming alone, because her husband worked nights. Screamed at me, took my phone and keys (which my dad promptly took right back and gave them to me in front of her), and told me I was STUPID if I thought a 33 on my ACT was GOOD. That's FAILING, OP. You're not going to get into any colleges!
She did come to graduation, but was PISSED because I got 4 seats in the parent's area, and I gave them to dad, my aunt (who is like a mother to me!), her, and her husband, and presented both her and my aunt with a rose which was meant for the mother/mother figures. My aunt DIDN'T DESERVE A ROSE! How dare you! Then she tried to take my keys AGAIN because i said I'd rather not go to eat with her and her mother?my aunts and uncles on her side, I had plans. Which, I did. And dad promptly gave me back my keys. Oh, and she also refused to help me move into college because "I wasn't listening to her and was being disrespectful." Why, do you ask? She said I was stupid for buying new things for my dorm and it was a waste of money (not hers) and demanded I return it, and if I didn't she wasn't helping me. (I didn't need her help. My dad and aunt helped me). Basically her pattern is "do what i say", then throw a fit when I don't let her control and isolate me, and finally, go silent for a month or two then go right back to demanding again.
So anyway, that's the story about the sleepovers. It's not much.
I've been asked to tell about the significance to Susan and the sleepovers. I honestly don't know, other than she's reaching deep in her book of memories and trying to find something she did that some parents didn't do? I don't know.
I'd have a sleepover a few times a year, with 4-6 (depending on the time) of my very best friends between the ages of 11-14 (when I moved out). I'm not going to lie, they WERE fun. She would take us to TP folks' houses (isn't that ironic), we'd sometimes make virgin margaritas, stuff like that. We'd do hair and makeup and we weren't allowed to use hot tools without her, because dangerous?
I'm still friends with all of those girls (now women, we range from 28-30). We've discussed those sleepovers often-they WERE fun. But also very, very controlled. My dad would have to send money for food/snacks/a movie rental/even the cheap $.88 great value toilet paper. She was basically up our asses constantly. We all had our own phones (back in the day of the Nokia) but if we prank called boys we HAD to tell her and she HAD to be in the room. Don't know why. She yelled a lot, including to my friends. Would tell us our messes must be picked up IMMEDIATELY or it was disrespectful to her, even if we were still participating in said mess. If we went to my room away from her, she'd almost always call to me that I needed to do this chore or that chore. If we went to the mall, or Walmart, or wherever (remember, preteens), she'd pull me aside and constantly fuss that we weren't supposed to be holding hands, or touching, or any of the sort because then people would say we were gay.
But her ABSOLUTE favorite thing in the world was to make me wash my hair. 99.9% of the time, it was a Friday night. Meaning I had absolutely nothing to do on Saturdays besides, be at home. But no. We'd be in the middle of makeup, or a game, or just hanging out and doing what teen girls do and inevitably, Susan would barge in and tell me to go wash my hair NOW, it was oily and made me look like a (racial slur).
I have long, thick hair. SUPER thick. It takes 1.5 hours to try by blow dryer or about 8 air drying. Washing it is an ordeal. Why did I need to leave my friends and my sleepover to go wash my hair RIGHT THAT INSTANT? I don't really know, but it was EVERY. Single. Time. I'd be forced to go freaking wash my hair. Then, even though I NEVER blow dried it, I'd have to go downstairs with HER so she could spend an hour and a half blow drying my hair. EVERY. Single. Time. She loved to isolate me from my friends, even at these sleepovers (there will be more posts about this, but isolating me is her go to, and I'm not sure why.)
Then, 11 would roll around and she'd tell us to go to bed or she was taking everybody home. Because she was tired and couldn't watch us. Remember, 11-14 years old here, security system on the doors. She didn't need to watch us. But she heard us ONE time and took everybody home at 12:30. Because, she needed her sleep. (we were upstairs. She was down.)
I've never really understood her obsession since I grew up about the sleepovers, except to theorize that that's all she has. When I was 14, I moved out (she had me placed under house arrest, which you can read about here.) So the better part of my high school career, she wasn't there. I was a cheerleader at my new school and she only came to one pep rally, no games. I went to only my junior prom, which I got my hair and makeup done professionally because she refused to help "enable me" (I'd invited her to come with me and my aunt-who was paying-to pick out a prom dress. I found one i absolutely LOVED. It was a size too small, but with a corset back put in it was PERFECT. She walked into the dress salon (LATE, by about 45 minutes), saw the dress, saw them pinning the zipper because again, was having a corset put in, and screamed at me that it looked ridiculous and I was trying to be skinny and I wasn't. I was lazy and needed to lose weight, and that dress looked HORRIBLE! And promptly walked back out. So, she refused to help me get ready for prom because she didn't want to enable me thinking I was skinny? She did show up at prom presentation for all of 15 minutes to get pictures to play mom of the year then dipped out. I didn't go to senior prom at all.
She refused to help me pick out my homecoming dress my senior year when I was on the court, because she didn't want to enable that either. She did show up for homecoming court presentation, got her pics, and left (again, i was CHEERING at that same game). Didn't show up for the senior presentation football game, where all the cheerleaders and football players that were seniors went to the field with their parents and got a rose, a balloon to release, and our letterman's jacket. She was too tired and wasn't coming alone, because her husband worked nights. Screamed at me, took my phone and keys (which my dad promptly took right back and gave them to me in front of her), and told me I was STUPID if I thought a 33 on my ACT was GOOD. That's FAILING, OP. You're not going to get into any colleges!
She did come to graduation, but was PISSED because I got 4 seats in the parent's area, and I gave them to dad, my aunt (who is like a mother to me!), her, and her husband, and presented both her and my aunt with a rose which was meant for the mother/mother figures. My aunt DIDN'T DESERVE A ROSE! How dare you! Then she tried to take my keys AGAIN because i said I'd rather not go to eat with her and her mother?my aunts and uncles on her side, I had plans. Which, I did. And dad promptly gave me back my keys. Oh, and she also refused to help me move into college because "I wasn't listening to her and was being disrespectful." Why, do you ask? She said I was stupid for buying new things for my dorm and it was a waste of money (not hers) and demanded I return it, and if I didn't she wasn't helping me. (I didn't need her help. My dad and aunt helped me). Basically her pattern is "do what i say", then throw a fit when I don't let her control and isolate me, and finally, go silent for a month or two then go right back to demanding again.
So anyway, that's the story about the sleepovers. It's not much.
A Collection of Letters from Susan: Chap. 1
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order.
I've decided because the sheer number of Susan ramblings, I'm going to do a series of letters (kinda like in the Bible, if the Bible had batshit flavors such as Susan.) All mistakes are hers.
So, here's a chapter of Susan's crazy. Two emails. <3
(These are still a couple of years ago. Note, my dad did not pay for my vehicle. My husband did.)
"I don't understand you OP. You have throw me away like trash. All because I told you the turth. I deserve to see my grandbaby. You are wrong for withholding her from me. you are wrong for what you named your new baby. how disrespectful can you be. I am your mother not AUNT. I am so why would you stick a baby with a ugly old lady name? that is sick OP. I hope you come to youre sense and change it. It's time to grow up OP. I did nothing but tell the turth. you need to clean your house. you need to get a job. I have offered to keep the baby for cheap. Are you that lazy that you won't get a job. its time you grow up and stop sucking your dad and aunt dry. Stop test driving cars. you don't need a car. let the one you have now go back. your dad can't afford that. You don't work or go to school. Brother is driving the same truck he has been for 4 years now. if anybody nees a new car it is him. Your cutting us all out of youre life because we told you that you need to get over yourself and stop being a smart ass. family is family. we desrve to know what is going on in your life. you can stop telling people i was abusive to you. I never abused you i have been nothing but honest with you since you were a child you are doing nothing but making yourself look like a fool beause nobody believes you everybody knows that i was teh best mom you could have ever had. you need to get treatments for your mental health issues. its time. if you weren't married i could get you help myself but (state mental hospital) won't let me check you in if your married. their stupid. I am your mother.I am closer kin to you than ANY man will ever be. Have tried texting DH but isn't decent enough to respond to see about getting yu the mental help you need. Mentalily sane people don't stop talking to their parents and get mad beause their parents tell them the truth and tell them to clean their house lose weight and get a job. Your heavier than ever I am sure your house is a mess because I know you and you need to get a job so your dad can stop paying your bills and start helping brother more. You even turned brother against me by not letting him see DD so now he doesn't tell me things. its your fault. Please OP get the help you need. let me keep dd while you do that. she deserves so much more than what you are giving her in your mental state. "
"I'm tiered of the little games your playing OP. My birthday is friday and Sunday is the anniverseary of ( Her sister's) death so i will be seeing DD friday and bringing Grandma to see her sunday. Get over yourself and grow up. Everything that has ben done has ben for your own good. Your too young and selfish to realize that but one day you will and it will be to late for us to make up so we are going to do it now weather you like it or not. I was a good mama. Remember the sleep overs? i need to be there for DD's sleepovers now. Its time to stop being stupid. Stop spending baby you don'tneed for anything. stop running the roads. stay home once in a while. stop spending huge ammounts on things your kids wont remember like that 4 wheeler and yaw going to florida all the time. I was told you have been test driving vehicles all over town again. STOP. You don't have the money for a new vehicle you don't even have the money for the one you have now. you don't work you don't need a car. its time to grow up. Get a job. Clean your house. Let me see DD. its been 11 months! Unblock me on my other account on fb. I will see yaw friday!"
I've decided because the sheer number of Susan ramblings, I'm going to do a series of letters (kinda like in the Bible, if the Bible had batshit flavors such as Susan.) All mistakes are hers.
So, here's a chapter of Susan's crazy. Two emails. <3
(These are still a couple of years ago. Note, my dad did not pay for my vehicle. My husband did.)
"I don't understand you OP. You have throw me away like trash. All because I told you the turth. I deserve to see my grandbaby. You are wrong for withholding her from me. you are wrong for what you named your new baby. how disrespectful can you be. I am your mother not AUNT. I am so why would you stick a baby with a ugly old lady name? that is sick OP. I hope you come to youre sense and change it. It's time to grow up OP. I did nothing but tell the turth. you need to clean your house. you need to get a job. I have offered to keep the baby for cheap. Are you that lazy that you won't get a job. its time you grow up and stop sucking your dad and aunt dry. Stop test driving cars. you don't need a car. let the one you have now go back. your dad can't afford that. You don't work or go to school. Brother is driving the same truck he has been for 4 years now. if anybody nees a new car it is him. Your cutting us all out of youre life because we told you that you need to get over yourself and stop being a smart ass. family is family. we desrve to know what is going on in your life. you can stop telling people i was abusive to you. I never abused you i have been nothing but honest with you since you were a child you are doing nothing but making yourself look like a fool beause nobody believes you everybody knows that i was teh best mom you could have ever had. you need to get treatments for your mental health issues. its time. if you weren't married i could get you help myself but (state mental hospital) won't let me check you in if your married. their stupid. I am your mother.I am closer kin to you than ANY man will ever be. Have tried texting DH but isn't decent enough to respond to see about getting yu the mental help you need. Mentalily sane people don't stop talking to their parents and get mad beause their parents tell them the truth and tell them to clean their house lose weight and get a job. Your heavier than ever I am sure your house is a mess because I know you and you need to get a job so your dad can stop paying your bills and start helping brother more. You even turned brother against me by not letting him see DD so now he doesn't tell me things. its your fault. Please OP get the help you need. let me keep dd while you do that. she deserves so much more than what you are giving her in your mental state. "
"I'm tiered of the little games your playing OP. My birthday is friday and Sunday is the anniverseary of ( Her sister's) death so i will be seeing DD friday and bringing Grandma to see her sunday. Get over yourself and grow up. Everything that has ben done has ben for your own good. Your too young and selfish to realize that but one day you will and it will be to late for us to make up so we are going to do it now weather you like it or not. I was a good mama. Remember the sleep overs? i need to be there for DD's sleepovers now. Its time to stop being stupid. Stop spending baby you don'tneed for anything. stop running the roads. stay home once in a while. stop spending huge ammounts on things your kids wont remember like that 4 wheeler and yaw going to florida all the time. I was told you have been test driving vehicles all over town again. STOP. You don't have the money for a new vehicle you don't even have the money for the one you have now. you don't work you don't need a car. its time to grow up. Get a job. Clean your house. Let me see DD. its been 11 months! Unblock me on my other account on fb. I will see yaw friday!"
The Last Conversation I ever Had with Susan
*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence.
I've posted the second to the last conversation I ever had with Susan. This is the LAST one. Ever. VERY early 2016, when my lawyer told me I needed to break NC and inform her to stop contacting me. (I'd not spoken to her in well over a month).
Susan: "Hi, can (brother) bring me to see DD for an hour Saturday please? I would love to bring her to the park. After it dryies. I miss her smilly face. Do you think we can put the past behind is go on as a family. I've never hurt you, never put down on you and I will never do either to the baby. You and BROTHER have always been my heart. I busted my butt to help you get what other girls had and loved all the sleepovers. I wanted you on that pedestal like the others. I want to be part of DD dancing or gymnastics. Im sorry I've made you hate me so much. I miss you. I love yall. Please let me see DD."
"Are you feeling better?" (She'd been looking on my EOBs from my forced INS to see i'd been to the ENT).
"You could at least answer yes or no. I am worried about you. I don't understand why you hate me. I was always a great mom. I don't understand why you made that comment on fb. People asking me why you said your protecting your child. I tell them from DH's mom not me! We had a lot of fun when you was growing up. I have never hurt you and I never would and I will never hurt my grandbaby. Don't forget all our good times and try and let those few bad times you have stuck in your memory go. I love you."
"Can I come get DD sunday morning and take her to preaching with me at (random church I've never known her to go to that happens to be by my house)? Please."
Me- "No"
Susan, 7 hours later- "thanks for taking DD and yall visiting grandma yesterday. That meant a lot to her. Now if you will forgive me and lets move forward. I would love to see yall."
Me- "Stop contacting me."
Susan- "You're my daughter DD is my grandbaby and i have another graddaughter on the way I will never give up, OP. Its called love."
"You and I was so close once. Why are you hating me now? I have never abused you. We had fun when you was growing up. Can't you remember the fun? all the sleepovers?"
Me- ""sleepovers" don't erase the belittling, gaslighting, and name calling you've done over the years, but to be most specific, perhaps you should reread your messages to me from November on. If you see nothing wrong with the way you treat me and have treated me then that's YOUR problem but I will not be enduring for any longer, and my children will certainly not be subjected to that. You can stop texting- I have nothing else to say. You an stop asking for DD-I'm her mother, not you, and it's my job to protect her. If you're looking for the most recent example-how you handled the insurance situation. You got what you wanted, I even shared an ultrasound photo of my child with you- and then nope you decided you weren't holding up to your word. I never thought you would-I know you FAR too well after 25 years to believe you'd do something to help me. My children won't be treated as such. Have a nice night."
Susan: "I had not belittled you. ANd I would never ever hurt my grandbabies and i can not belive you would think I would. I have never done nothing but love you and I have never hurt nor hardmed DD. Keeping you on the insruance is for your on good. Its not to be in your business. Its to help you."
Me. "I'm 25 years old. I believe i know a bit more about my medical information and needs than you do. You have zero idea as to how your insurance helps or affects me. You should probably call them and ask them how much they pay for maternity for a dependent. You should also call around and ask how many providers take more than one billing insurance-it's not many. You already know if all insurances aren't presented it's fraud, as you so gleefully told me I would 'go back to jail if i didn't use it'. Of course you don't care because YOUR only concern is being right and in control. And no, you just proved again you do not care for anybody but yourself and keeping me under your thumb. I have nothing else to say to you."
Susan. "You have treated me a lot worse than i could ever treat you. But it has never stopped me from telling you i love you and it will never stop me from it. You can change your number but I will get it. It don't pay maternity but it pays lab and other bills Like meds. Its not about me being right , its about trying to help you."
"As for you telling people you are protecting your child from what you went thru. Your making yourself look foolish beause anyone that knows you knows how close we was and how much fun we had growing up and know how protective I was of you. They know I would kick butt over my kids to keep you from being hurt in any way. Your are a mom and an adult OP. Its time to let things go and move past things. You know I would never hurt you and or the babies. It's not about me breing right OP its never been about that it's about wanting to see you and dd. Nothing more. except loving ya'll. And I love you and DD."
Then she sends me a screenshot of my entire prescription list, dosage, and prescribing doctor and says "Don't help? ha ok. Your welcome."
10 hours later, "Can I come by and see my grandbaby?"
Head, meet wall.
I've posted the second to the last conversation I ever had with Susan. This is the LAST one. Ever. VERY early 2016, when my lawyer told me I needed to break NC and inform her to stop contacting me. (I'd not spoken to her in well over a month).
Susan: "Hi, can (brother) bring me to see DD for an hour Saturday please? I would love to bring her to the park. After it dryies. I miss her smilly face. Do you think we can put the past behind is go on as a family. I've never hurt you, never put down on you and I will never do either to the baby. You and BROTHER have always been my heart. I busted my butt to help you get what other girls had and loved all the sleepovers. I wanted you on that pedestal like the others. I want to be part of DD dancing or gymnastics. Im sorry I've made you hate me so much. I miss you. I love yall. Please let me see DD."
"Are you feeling better?" (She'd been looking on my EOBs from my forced INS to see i'd been to the ENT).
"You could at least answer yes or no. I am worried about you. I don't understand why you hate me. I was always a great mom. I don't understand why you made that comment on fb. People asking me why you said your protecting your child. I tell them from DH's mom not me! We had a lot of fun when you was growing up. I have never hurt you and I never would and I will never hurt my grandbaby. Don't forget all our good times and try and let those few bad times you have stuck in your memory go. I love you."
"Can I come get DD sunday morning and take her to preaching with me at (random church I've never known her to go to that happens to be by my house)? Please."
Me- "No"
Susan, 7 hours later- "thanks for taking DD and yall visiting grandma yesterday. That meant a lot to her. Now if you will forgive me and lets move forward. I would love to see yall."
Me- "Stop contacting me."
Susan- "You're my daughter DD is my grandbaby and i have another graddaughter on the way I will never give up, OP. Its called love."
"You and I was so close once. Why are you hating me now? I have never abused you. We had fun when you was growing up. Can't you remember the fun? all the sleepovers?"
Me- ""sleepovers" don't erase the belittling, gaslighting, and name calling you've done over the years, but to be most specific, perhaps you should reread your messages to me from November on. If you see nothing wrong with the way you treat me and have treated me then that's YOUR problem but I will not be enduring for any longer, and my children will certainly not be subjected to that. You can stop texting- I have nothing else to say. You an stop asking for DD-I'm her mother, not you, and it's my job to protect her. If you're looking for the most recent example-how you handled the insurance situation. You got what you wanted, I even shared an ultrasound photo of my child with you- and then nope you decided you weren't holding up to your word. I never thought you would-I know you FAR too well after 25 years to believe you'd do something to help me. My children won't be treated as such. Have a nice night."
Susan: "I had not belittled you. ANd I would never ever hurt my grandbabies and i can not belive you would think I would. I have never done nothing but love you and I have never hurt nor hardmed DD. Keeping you on the insruance is for your on good. Its not to be in your business. Its to help you."
Me. "I'm 25 years old. I believe i know a bit more about my medical information and needs than you do. You have zero idea as to how your insurance helps or affects me. You should probably call them and ask them how much they pay for maternity for a dependent. You should also call around and ask how many providers take more than one billing insurance-it's not many. You already know if all insurances aren't presented it's fraud, as you so gleefully told me I would 'go back to jail if i didn't use it'. Of course you don't care because YOUR only concern is being right and in control. And no, you just proved again you do not care for anybody but yourself and keeping me under your thumb. I have nothing else to say to you."
Susan. "You have treated me a lot worse than i could ever treat you. But it has never stopped me from telling you i love you and it will never stop me from it. You can change your number but I will get it. It don't pay maternity but it pays lab and other bills Like meds. Its not about me being right , its about trying to help you."
"As for you telling people you are protecting your child from what you went thru. Your making yourself look foolish beause anyone that knows you knows how close we was and how much fun we had growing up and know how protective I was of you. They know I would kick butt over my kids to keep you from being hurt in any way. Your are a mom and an adult OP. Its time to let things go and move past things. You know I would never hurt you and or the babies. It's not about me breing right OP its never been about that it's about wanting to see you and dd. Nothing more. except loving ya'll. And I love you and DD."
Then she sends me a screenshot of my entire prescription list, dosage, and prescribing doctor and says "Don't help? ha ok. Your welcome."
10 hours later, "Can I come by and see my grandbaby?"
Head, meet wall.
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