Conversations with Susan (and why does this stick out for me?)

*Disclaimer- Susan has been cut off for almost 4 years now. 1000% no contact. She is still actively stalking and harassing, but she is greeted with silence. We have been unsuccessful in receiving a restraining order or subsequent charges (such as harassment and stalking) because of my stepdad's role within law enforcement.

When I became a mother, I was a month away from my 23rd birthday. We'd been married 2 years, (and this was my second marriage) so we weren't exactly teen parents or still living with any of our parents. We had our own house we owned outright, we both worked, we weren't helpless little kids, in other words.

 

I'd let my mother back in after a long period of no contact before I had the baby, and she was happily rug sweeping and pretending none of her "legal" stuff like the charges that never turned out and my numerous 48 hour jail stays due to her ever happened.

 

Until I started noticing when she'd post a photo of my kid, there'd be 3 or 4 comments i could not see. Upon investigation from my husband's account, I noticed it was two cops I had blocked years before from the previous mentioned "incidents". These two men were complete assholes to me as well as sexually inappropriate OUTSIDE of the station, but completely overbearing when I was arrested. In fact, they spent 2 hours NOT talking about what they thought I'd done, but how I needed to call my mother and my stepdad and her were GREAT people.

 

Our conversation, as follows.

Me- "Now Mom, I know you know I don't like Friend1 or Friend 2."

 

Susan: "Ha well they love me."

 

Me. "Well, I don't' like them. And I don't generally share photos of DD with people I don't like."

 

Susan "They ask me about DD now and then. So you don't want me showing her photo on fb?"

 

Me: "well, not to friend1 and friend2. I do not like either of them. They do not need to have access to photos of my child."

Susan: "All I did was put her on there i fthey respond its because they are friends with me not you. But i won't put anymore on here."

 

Me. "You don't have to be like that. I just asked you to restrict those two from my daughter's photos."

 

Susan: "I don't know what you want me to say. I love Friend1, he is a good friend and he works with stepdad. We ride motorbikes together and go eat at their house so if he says something about us on her photo I don't see what it hurts. But Idk what you want me to do, I took all her photos off my FB."

 

Me. "Can't you just make a setting to where those two cannot see pictures of my daughter? I have my reasons for not liking them, and they're justified in my eyes, so it definitely irks me when I see friend1 or friend2 on DD's pics."

 

Susan-"Nah. Like I said, I love Friend1 and he's a great friend. I would rather not put her pics on that try and hide it from him. Friend2, Idk, he never comments anyway he just likes. Do you still have that girl on yours that made the comment she \some random irrlevant shit from high school*? Do you have her blocked? I'm just asking because you don't like her but I still where she comments. What's the difference? Friend1 has been a great friend and been there for me when I need him a shoulder if you will. Never mind. Don't worry about it. I just won't put her pics on fb. Not a problem. Give my granddaughter a kiss from me. Night."*

 

Me. "You know what, forget it. Forget I said anything, just do what you want. I'm trying to parent my small child and you're more concerned about your friend's feelings. Do what you want, you'll do it anyway."

 

Susan, "Ok. Look, I don't want to argue over pictures. I respect your deicion your her mom so if you don't want my friends to see my beautiful grandbaby then I won't put pics of her on. I am sorry. not a problem. I thought it was cute and didn't know you wouldn't want friend1 and friend2 seeing pictures of my granddaughter just because you don't like them."

 

Me "Mom, I don't know what you want me to say. I do not want those two seeing my kid. I have my reasons for that."

Susan: "why don'y ou like him? I am just wondering."

Me: "Because he's been inappropriate in the past with me as well as friend2."

Susan: "well she is you baby. I respect that. I do not like some of their friends and their dumb comments but I haven't said anything because they your friends. I just wanted to keep a stink down is all. Friend1 is a good man. He has changed for the good and would do anything he could for you and brother. FRiend2, I could care less. It's not choosing him over my grandbaby its just not wanting to cause an issue at all. It kinda hurts my feelings you can't respect my feelings about him tho because he has always been a good to us and I really like him. I don't expect you to like all my friends just like you know i don't like any of yours but I would not ask you to restrict your friends from seeing DD. Friend1 is like a brother and I hate you feel that at him. I am just trying to keep a problem from rising again. That is all. Do you just not want him saying anything at all about her? in any photo's?"

 

Me. "Mom, he treated me like shit, like an object and a subhuman. I don't let my child be around people that act that way and FB is an extension of that. In other words if I don't let people see her normally, why would I let them see her online?"

 

Susan- "I haven't heard he treated you badly except if it was when you were in jail and that was to teach you a lesson. Like I said I respect your dicision. So I am just wanting to kee them at a minion. But just so you know, friend one has never ever said anything about you law wise except you needed to slow your roll and maybe being scared straight would help which is why we made some deicions if that's what you're saying. He has however asked how you and the baby are doing, just an fyi. Friend2 is a know it all and I do not like his wife. He friended me a few months ago and I think it was to be nosey. He's a smart ass. They're nothing alike. Friend1 wont run his mouth and would give you the shirt off his back. Friend2 would tell the world and sale you the shirt if you needed it. Nothing at all alike. I will restrict him on her photos if you restrict \my friend* and *my friend's mom* from everything. I cannot stand her and her dumbass comments."*

 

Me: "no, mother. That's not even close to being the same."

 

Susan: "just take me off your friends list if you want to. I'm not going to argue over fb. Just send me a pic if dd1 every now and then is all i ask. I am just tired of walking on eggshells with you. Just please start letting me see DD (This was BEFORE the cut off, she saw dd every couple of weeks.) I do not like \my friend* or my friend's mom but that's YOUR business. *my friend* and Her mom hid you from me and refused to hear what I needed to say about things (I was 19, seperated and trying to get a divorce.) You was a minor, yes, anything under 21 is a minor if you're not arried and you was getting a divorce! I could have had them charged with kidnapping! That was wrong they way they did and I told Friends Mom I had the law coming for her. That's why she hid you even more. That bitch didn't need to be a mom herself because she had no rules and had no respect for me as your mom. I still want to claw her eyes out. I pray you never go thru what i did with you, always trying to be around people and never wanting to come around to your own mother in time of need. Got a feeling it's gonna happen tho so good luck."*

 

Me. "No, because I know what not to do. And if it does, I understand that I'm not my child's only person of comfort."

 

Susan: "I am not sure what that means. It did not matter what I did you had to have your way or you'd run away to your dads. You will learn rules are there for a reason with our children. We give you rules to keep you safe and not go freaken wild. Because I had rules and your dad did not it just did not work for us. if he had been on board and be a dad and upheld my rules and not been a friend a lot of things would have turned out different with you. But those days are gone and can't be redone. Just try and remember you're going to have one just like you and you're going to see what I'm saying, get her under your thumb now or she will try and escape like you. Goes around comes around lol. Do you still hate me.?"

 

Me: "No, mom, i don't hate you. But I do remember a lot of the things that went down and it wouldn't have went the way it did if you hadn't done some of the stuff you did or insisted on being in control constantly. And I will remember that when it comes to DD."

 

Susan "I tried being your friend and still being your mom. I thought you had a great time. You always had friends over. All those sleepovers. Hell, how many of their moms took them rolling? how many of their moms had dress up at their house and sleepovers all the time? i had a few rules but the most part i do not understand what you're talking about. Your friends always told me they wished I was their mom. What did I do that you go so mad about? All i ever wanted was to be the best mom i could be and that is all I hope for you too. I just want to see you happy and us get along better, that's my wish. But it won't happen if you won't stop trying to control what I do, like whether my friends can see my granddaughter! You need to remember I am the mother and you are the child, you are not equal to me. I can still parent you, I can still spank your ass if you're being disobiedent, little girl. You need to remember that."

 

And... She was greeted with silence for a while.

 

This was about 6 months before the cut off, and all mistakes are hers. Feel free to share your opinion on this convo, because this one comes up in my head a lot when I'm going back over 'things that make my mom crazy' but my normal meter is so broken I don't know WHY.